I kinda wrote this poem a few weeks back, I know this isn't good so a review would be greatly appreciated thank you!
"Our Parting"
By: Kite
_____________________________
We were once strangers,
Sought to talk but never could,
Between us friendship lingers,
Soon you greeted me, as you would.
We then became closer,
Just as friends were meant to be,
Talking about life soon after,
Suddenly my feelings changed, regrettably.
We soon became aware,
of something that should have been,
Something that was for us to bear,
Our feelings of love, was to be seen.
We became distorted,
Confused by our feelings,
You ran, as to be aborted,
I wept, as I was calling.
As years soon passed,
You returned, radiantly as ever,
Holding your hand, was someone other,
Broken but not dead, I smiled.
You walked, I stared,
I finally understood this hurting,
With your man hand in hand,
My love, this is our parting...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Great poem, I can really relate to it at this time in my life. Now on to the critique-
That part sounded very forced, like you were just trying to make it rhyme. Poems don't have to rhyme, so either replace this with a word that's more suitable or, if you can, find a word with your same meaning that rhymes.
I think one period is enough, this makes it seem like the poem's not finished.
Good work! I really do love it! God Bless!
Hey, i like the rhythm and the consistency of the poem.
The aim of a poem is to paint the exact picture the writer is passing across. I think you painted that picture quite clearly.
This is nowhere near bad. Just keep it up and never put yourself down.
Good Job.
Hello and never put yourself down when showing a poem, it sends wrong message, firstly it makes us think 'why bother on helping' since person seems so sure it's not good. And secondly this isn't half bad. It shows a lot and is subtle and almost heart warming in a weird way, but sad too. Where it falters is with layout and how reads, it become forced or otherwise hard to read.
see let explain using a big word like Regrettably in it, detracts flow, it's clunky and does nothing. Instead it annoys reader for what is rather a good poem. Sadly.
I don't have much to say except you could certainly add something which is slow it down. It sounds and reads like an epic, and with a bit of work sure it could be.
I really hope this helps.