I cant believe this hasnt had any crits yet
Firstly, I can tell there's a great deal of emotion behind this poem. Unfortunately, a lot of it is obscured and muffled by the over-use of adjectives and images. Dont get me wrong: you have a good command of language and I love some of the lines (e.g. "fear is an anchor"). However, I did feel overwhelmed by the rush of imagery.
Basically, my advice would be to pare it down. Choose a few images and build on them. Also, I'd look at perhaps expanding the narrative and view letting us know who "we" are and what's happening to "us", because otherwise there's no-one for us to feel for, and we have no clue what all of these images relate to. See what I mean?
I'll look forward to seeing some more of your work
Cheers,
~bubbles
Points: 10087
Reviews: 701
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