Published July 7, 2011
I saw the world in your eyes,
Watched as time moved forward
But I stood transfixed by your gaze.
Moments led to days, days to years
But I stood at that spot held by you,
Letting reality leave me behind.
I grasped tightly to that promise,
To that world in your eyes
Until it was the only ground,
The only solid footing I knew.
Content in that moment shared
Long ago when we were young,
Too content to see that this ground,
Your ground, was moving from under me.
Those children sharing that memory
Are now a man and a woman,
Two different people disenchanted
By the promises that lay broken
In each other’s eyes.
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140,727 Literary Works • 673,680 Reviews
I liked it other than this part here:
I grasped tightly to that promise,
To that world in your eyes
Until it was the only ground,
The only solid footing I knew.
yes it is nice and fits upon the poem, it just doesnt ryhme as well as the rest of the poem, I as a poet to know that all poetry doesnt have to ryhme but it still doesnt fit as well as the rest inertwines.
but other than that this poem is amazing good work!
So . . . I have nothing to say except this was wonderful. There isn't much rhyme whatsoever or any particular set as far as I can tell. There's a steady rhythm but it's free verse. It's amazing. Normally I have some sort of nitpick, or I see a line or lines I don't like. Here I don't have that problem.
It's beautiful and flows like silk.
Otherwise, I can't wait to see what you come up with next.
First off, your avatar pic thing (or whatever it is) is amazing. I love that quote!!
) Haha.
Anyway, I really liked this poem. The metaphors were good, and it helped make the poem flow. The poem was beautifully written and I didn't see any corrections that needed to be fixed, so your good there. Keep writing (and stay insane.
Wow, I really loved this poem! It flowed beautifully throughout. There was also some really strong emotion in here as well! I liked your last verse the best. It really pulled everything together and closed your poem nicely. I thought that was where I could really feel the emotion.
I actually don't have any suggestions. The poem seems perfect to me the way it is! Sorry I couldn't be a whole lot of help. (a)
Keep up the lovely writing!