Best friend

I did like this poem. But maybe you could try to have some stanzas instead of every line being on it's own.

And some figurative language would be nice. Like descriptions, similes, metaphors etc.

I agree with Demeter when you said "someone who laughs when you are mad,". What do you mean by this? When I am mad, I don't want my best friend to laugh at me.

The ending was nice, but it wasn't that strong. Maybe instead of just saying "it's her", you could try something like: "It's her. Shes the one that cries when I cry, and laughs when I am mad" or something like that.

But this was a great little poem, keep writing!!

Ellie.

Hello, kinzygirl!

someone who cries because your crying,

someone who laughs when you are mad,

Cares more about you then those other people known as

just plain friends.

Agreed.

This poem does have potential, but it's lacking somewhat. It doesn't have any real emotional depth. Instead of finding subtler ways to express your speaker's feelings, you resort to blandly stating them:

"She is someone who won’t pretend that she doesn’t know you,
or someone who doesn’t give a shit what you look like..."

Your use of stative verbs ("She is") is a common feature of telling. Use more images! Poetry is meant to be poetic. An improvement on the two lines above might be:

"She will open up your frustrated heart;
she will turn a blind eye to the
beastly face that hides away happiness."

Something like that. Images allow readers to find an emotional connection to what you're saying. As a result, your poetry will become much more fluent and enjoyable to read.

You could also do with improving your punctuation. Either capitalise the first letter of every line or don't.

But like I said, this has serious potential. Don't throw it away! A bit of fine tuning will really make this piece shine.

Good luck!

Gahks



(At the moment, this is a 3/10 from me. With some effort, you can easily bump this up to a 7! I know you can do it!)

Hmmm...
I believe that this isn't much of a poem. You should try:
1) Adding a better structure and stanzas.
2) Using metaphors, similes, the five (or maybe even six?) senses.
3) Adding more emotion and a stronger/better ending.

She is someone who won’t pretend that she doesn’t know you,
or someone who doesn’t give a shit what you look like,
someone who cries because your crying,
someone who laughs when you are mad,
Smiles because you are weird,
Doesn’t judge you if you are wrong,
and last but not least...
Cares more about you then those other people known as
just plain friends.

I like this, it's like a poem to best friends. It's very true, nice avatar by the way ^_^ but anyways I think it should be a little longer, the ending really didn't suprise me, and it wasn't that strong. Why is it her? How did you meet? Whats the bigger picture. Best of luck and keep writing.

-Max

P.S. PM me if you have any questions.