It rages.
It roars.
It rises.
It calls.
In the middle of a happy world,
it thunders.
But no one hears.
And no one knows.
Then a boat wanders;
a soul gets lost.
How it came there,
it doesn’t know.
No more turns,
no way back.
The more it fights,
the more it’s stuck.
The waves overwhelm;
the boat sinks.
And down to the dark murky depths,
falls the lost little soul.
It swims to the surface,
but deeper it drowns.
The monsters of the sea,
await with drooling mouths.
It screams underwater,
and breathes its last.
The sea rages on,
the louder it roars.
Back in the happy world,
no one hears.
The absence of the lost soul,
still no one knows.
But little do they know,
wanders another troubled soul.
And the dark sea rages on,
calling for the lost little soul.
Hi kiandre, I'm Ebony. I'm practicing getting back into reviewing so here it goes.
I love the use of repetition in this poem, especially the repetitions of the pronouns.
The sea rages on,
the louder it roars.
The more it fights,
the more it’s stuck.
Hi! I'm Yoshi, and I'm here to give you a review!
Love this poem! It has very, very short lines, which makes it a little weird to me, but I don't have too big of a problem for it.
First, you should probably edit this so it is shown in the "Poetry" Section.
Second, Welcome to YWS!!!! Happy you're here!
Third, here is the review:
Okay, so lets start at the end.
The absence of the lost soul,
still no one knows.
But little do they know,
wanders another troubled soul.
And the dark sea rages on,
calling for the lost little soul.
Hi, kinandre,
I'm here with a review.
I really liked your poem. I think it's simple but it's also very interesting. I like the fact that the verses are short. It gives us an impression that the action is happening really quickly and there is not much time to act. I would also characterize this poem as a vivid one because we get a clear picture of how the sea is because of the words you use but also the way your poem is structure.
'It rages.
It roars.
It rises.
It calls.'
This is my favorite part because it's an engaging beginning and also the way you describe it we think that the sea is a wild animal, a dangerous beast.
I would also like to point out the rhyme scheme. I'm not sure if you tried to do one or not but sometimes we have some kind of rhymes, like in the first 4 lines. I think that adding rhymes at every line will make it even more interesting. Also because the lines are so short if you add rhymes it will be easier to remember.
One more thing is the repetition of the word soul. Until this line "falls the lost little soul." you're talking about the sea and then suddenly there is a little soul. I like this although towards the end you repeat three times the word soul.
"The absence of the lost soul,"
"wanders another troubled soul."
"calling for the lost little soul."
Between the first time, you mentioned it, and these three repetitions you don't use the word, and for me, it feels as the repetition is heavy towards the end. I would consider maybe repeating it only twice in the end and maybe once in between. You should do it as you think sounds best but I think there's just a little too much repetition in the end and nowhere else.
I hope my review helped you and have a great day/afternoon/evening,
MoonIris. 
122,119 Literary Works • 657,379 Reviews
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