Published June 27, 2011
This was written at a request from my friend, and she loved it, so I thought I'd post it up 
Woe
Every day I walk around here,
Seeing the looks people give me,
Don’t they understand,
I didn’t choose to be this way?
All people see are the deformities,
Impurities,
The distortions
Of me.
It’s not fair how they treat me,
Like I’m some kind of disease,
It’s not fair,
They won’t even say “bless you,”
After I sneeze.
All people see,
Is the sickness, the deformities,
But if they got to know me they’d see,
I just want to be,
Happy.
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Very interesting. Short and snappy, very thought out crunch words. But, what is it that makes you deformed in the poem. I don't understand? Halloween is mentioned but that doesn't offer up for me even in the slightest clue of what it's about. It was a cute poem but I didn't understand what it was about. Not that I don't understand it, I do. But I don't understand the central theme. Maybe you should work on that for next time. It was a good and enjoyable poem though
I love your poem, its really good. I can see the emotions in it!!!
< That's my favorite part!!I think it gives your poem a nice feel. I can't nitpick anything because I loved it, it speaks out to all people who are different or paralyzed. Keep writing!!!Hey there! I'll be reviewing your poem! Let's get started!
First of all, I want to assure you that this was a very nice poem. Some of the poetic rhythm was lost in the stanzas, especially, for example, these two:
[quote="kimalane21"]
All people see are the deformities,
Impurities,
The distortions
Of me. Here, the lines are choppy and the syllables aren't the same length (that would definitely help if they were)
It’s not fair how they treat me,
Like I’m some kind of disease,
It’s not fair they won’t even say “bless you,”
After I sneeze. The rhythm for this stanza could've been fine, but this last line threw everything off.quote]
There was also one little punctuation nit-pick I wanted to make:
In the last stanza, the second to last line doesn't need a comma at the end, as the last line is part of the sentence.
After you make a few adjustments, I think this could be a very good poem with a nice flow.
Keep writing!
TSM
I really like the emotions you have presented in this poem. It shows the true side and it's put simply. My only criticism is that this line
is a bit too long, perhaps keeping the repeated "it's not fair" bit but putting the "they wont even say bless you" on the next line and "after I sneeze" on the next. It just gives it extra length and structure and then it doesn't seem like a random line thats just been put in. :] Hope this helps x