Will never lasts forever

by kikialicia31
  • November 1, 2010
  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

Spoiler! :
I have no idea what I'm writing. If it does make sense, tell me. :?


I thought our friendship was strong
But I was all wrong
I'm still young
To understand what true friendship
Really means.

How could you
Do this to me
Selling all my secrets
That I've only told you.

Now I know that
You're not a true friend
All you want is fame
That's the reason you befriended me.

It hurts a lot
To trust you fully
With all my heart.

What I know now is that
You're not my friend
Don't ever call me again
Your best friend forever.

This friendship
Will never lasts forever.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Renn
Review
Renn wrote a review · Tue Dec 21, 2010 5:36 am

This was really deep and I couldn't help but relate to this, especially the segment How could you Do this to me Selling all my secrets That I've only told you. Wow... This really shows what you were feeling at the moment and I think it is sad but real, and good.

User avatar
kikialicia31
Comment
kikialicia31 commented · Thu Nov 04, 2010 3:15 am

Hello Truth, thanks for the review and for the suggestions too.

User avatar
TheTruthLiesWithin
Review
TheTruthLiesWithin wrote a review · Wed Nov 03, 2010 9:41 pm

Hello Kiki :)
I'll review your poem for you.

I thought our friendship was strong
But I was all wrong
I'm still young
To understand what true #40BF00 ">friendship
Really means.

How could you
Do this to me
Selling all my secrets
That I#40BF00 ">'ve only told you.

Now I know that
You're not a true friend
All you want is fame
That's the reason you befriend#40BF00 ">ed #40BF00 ">with me.

It#40BF00 ">'s hurts a lot
To trust you
#BF0000 ">Fully with all my heart.I think that 'fully' would fit better in the line before.

What I #40BF00 ">now know is #40BF00 ">that
You're not my friend
#FF0000 ">And our friendshipThis has no point at all because you do not finish it... And what?
Don't ever #40BF00 ">you call me #40BF00 ">again
Your best friend forever.

#00BF00 ">And this friendship
Will never last#40BF00 ">s forever.


Alright, this isn't horrible. It does make sense, you just don't use the good words to express yourself sometimes. Those are my suggestions, if you want to fallow them, it's your choice :) For a free verse, it's pretty good but don't be afraid to use metaphors, similes, and all other poetry tools to add a bit of color to your piece and make the emotion more real to the reader. It was pretty good.
Keep writing!

-Truth-



What praise is more valuable than the praise of an intelligent servant?
— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice