story

by kida

  • Short Story
  • Action / Adventure

Published April 22, 2009

the end, that is all there is.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Maki-Chan
Review
Maki-Chan wrote a review Review · Apr 23, 2009

My opinion…
This was written beautifully and I liked how you described things. I think though that the first three pages you ramble on about the images and it was sort of hard for me to continue, especially with the length of this story. I suggest that you cut this into small parts and post the smaller parts on YWS.
I only did a detailed review to the first three pages so if you make this into smaller parts send me the links and I will review they individually ^_^
Oh and I really like the ending paragraph.
Another thing. I had a little bit of trouble telling what tenses you were using (like past tense or future tense).



Positive anything is better than negative nothing.
— Elbert Hubbard