lost in hometown wonderland

by kentuckyfriednip

Published April 7, 2013

In lost in hometown wonderland

PreviousNext

I shivered under my silk white sheets while the open window welcomed the unwanted guest of ice cold air into my room. My teeth started chattering uncontrollably as I pulled up my surprisingly thin sheets and curled into a foetus position.  Definitely need to make a mental not to bring my duvet out of the loft and onto my lonely bed since the first week of winter was clearly dominating the world. The room kept stocking up on cold air. I desperately want to shut it however the cold whispered into my rosy ears and demotivated me to get out of bed. NO. No, I can’t stand the chills! I wrapped my sheets around me like a cape and it is my mission, Super-Lana’s mission, to pluck up the courage to shut the window to defeat the chilly cold demons. With an almighty push, I squeezed my palms flat onto the moist surface of the window and pushed the freezing atmosphere out of my room so that it could not slither in here and make my warm, cosy, indie room into a cold dungeon. I plugged in my old electric heater which spluttered and coughed before it started its engine up and produced puffs of warm air into my environment. With a giant sigh of relief, I jumped into my puffy bed, relaxed my muscles and dozed off to sleep.

the next day...

I turned my shower off and climbed out. I patted my body dry with my mother’s beige towel. I can slightly smell my mother’s scent lingering on the towel, an aroma of roses and marshmallows. Oh how I miss my mother. As I unlocked the bathroom door, I heard loud repetitive banging on the wooden front door. I was scared. Who could this be? And why bang on my door in the early morning? I quickly pulled on some jeans, a dirty t-shirt and a cardigan, Inervously stepped downstairs wondering who it could be. Slowly, slowly my arm reached out and put my hand on the door knob. I pulled the door open half way through the knocking but no one seemed to be there. Now I was terrified. I put on some sneakers that were right by the door and ran out of the house in shock.

I ran. I ran, I ran, and I ran. My brain was getting jumbled up. I was getting so confused. Why was I running? Someone knocked on my door, and no one was there when I opened it. There’s nothing to be afraid of, right? Wrong. I was looking behind me to see if anyone was following me and suddenly, my whole body smashed into something, well, someone.

 

 

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
dark
Review
dark wrote a review Review · Apr 8, 2013

A story about a very odd day. How delightful. You should continue it make this into a series. It has the potential of being revised by a master. (Maybe even me) I love the great detail you add in, but I wish you would have introduced the main character before ending it like that. Everything is too rushed. Try and slow down a bit. Maybe adding,
"I fumbled around with my jeans before I got them on. It took me a while before I got them on. I hoped the person at the door didn't leave yet."
All and all the story isn't that bad. It also isn't perfect. Try not to rush so much next time.

thank you , I defo need to try to add more detail!:)

User avatar
Soul8541 Review
Soul8541 wrote a review Review · Apr 8, 2013

Very nice intro. I really liked the deep details and descriptiveness throughout. I never felt as if there was detail, then a back off of fast action, I like that. Also the deep fear conveyed at certain points had my heart pounding a little. Overall a very nice write, and I would like to see more!

thank you, next chapter's coming soon :D

User avatar
Haven
Comment
Haven commented Comment · Apr 7, 2013

I loved the intro was nice, nice details, and I love the sudden rush of suspense when she hears knocking on the door. But I want to know who she suddenly ran into, please write more.

thank you! I'm working on it :D

User avatar
lotus Comment
lotus commented Comment · Apr 7, 2013

akki its a suspicious story i luved it!

Aw thank you darling x

lotus replied · Apr 8, 2013

ur welcome

User avatar
Devereaux
Comment
Devereaux commented Comment · Apr 7, 2013

Many details, a little over the top actually, but overall a great intro

Thank you, glad you liked!



I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.
— Pablo Neruda