Ocean breeze sways through the air
filling my lungs with a salty haze.
A kiss from Poseidon inviting me
to bask in the sun of Cape Cod.
We with our sunbleached hair and freckled skin
dance over the yellow powder. Running
on our toes, hands intertwined, we dive
into the blue waves, blue like the jays that serenade
us under the golden rays, like worn down jeans,
holes in the knees showing years of love,
like your eyes that squint with a hint of a grin.
When the ice cream truck sings the song
that widens every child’s eyes, we are lured
out of the water to popsicles with rainbow designs.
I flash the camera, freezing the moment.
You have cream on your nose. The sun
in the corner smiles down at us, wearing
the same face we drew when we were kids.
You’re wearing socks of dirt and sand
over legs and a summer tan. Ponytail
high brushed from your face by the wind.
We walk home. The glow of summer
lingers on our bodies. Kicking pebbles
in the street, we know this day will stay
close to us hidden in our dreams.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,874 Reviews
Hi, kellsmore. This is Pinkie here for a review. Excuse me as I put on my glasses *puts on pink glasses*
I love this poem. It is very good and enjoyable poem to me. You gave the descriptions in the poem which it is good. I can see the image of summer will be like while I read this wonderful poem. You did a good job on here. However, I see some nitpicks on here. Well, the others did that part so I will leave it. Anyway, I enjoyed this poem. It is very descriptions and wonderful. I like to read more from you. Have a nice day!
Good Job and Keep on writing!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
This is an excellent poem. I love the imagery, and the way you described certain things, especially the blue jeans. This oozed summer. I did notice some grammatical errors, but those were already mentioned so I won't beat the dead horse. One thing that bugged me was the way you described jays serenading you. I have jays living in my yard, and they screech. Loudly. Maybe try using bluebird, or something of that ilk, but you can probably get away with keeping the original since most people don't know that jays aren't songbirds. Excuse my nitpicks. Other than that I loved this poem a lot. Keep p the good work!
Great poem kellsmore!
Summer just began for me but I know what you are explaining the nights and days in the ocean. You put lots of imagery in you piece.
Now for the nitpicks.
You should have a new line in a stanza every time you have a period and the end of a sentence. For instance...
I think it should be...
The glow of summer lingers in our bodies.
Kicking pebbles in the street, we know this day will stay.
Even if the lines aren't as short they would look better because normally in poems they have a comma or a period before the end of a line.
There are also some grammatical errors but they are an easy fix to the poem.
Sunbleached is a compound word so it's not a hyphenated word.
Other than those critiques great poem and keep writing!