12+ Language Violence Mature Content

Seeking Shurikens

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Chapter 1

"The game is on! And Ireland is instantly in the lead
-" I cut the television of its noise as soon as I entered the Living room,
hating the fact my sister could sit through hours of old football matches right
from the Year 2000.

"Amanda!? Why, you know that's my favourite
match!" She cried pulling her dark brown hair from her face and looking up
at me with glittery dark brown eyes.

"Lauren, how many times have you watched that? You know
right off Ireland wins! Come on, let’s go play with Cheeky or something?"
I offered, putting out a tanned hand to pull her up from the chair, thinking of
Cheeky, our snowy white rabbit. “Please?” I added, knowing this sort of
decision for Lauren was difficult. T.V or the Rabbit?

"Oh! Actually I just remembered – Amanda!” She started
but I cut her off quickly.

“No, we are not going to play FIFA Sport Lauren, come on!”
Yanking her up off her chair in which she immediately collapsed onto again.

“Not that - Our Ruler is choosing the Ninja's now! You know,
to train so they can beat the crap out of those thugs who are trying to change
and destroy our humanity!" Lauren said with an upbeat tone, snatching the
controls from a startled me and turning the channel.

It was true.

The 3013 trial results were today, picking five people who
contributed to the games to fight to their upmost ability so they could protect
the World. This sole World has one Government since 2401 and has been to this
day. Dad used to disagree with this fact, apparently, a thousand years ago,
each country had their own, sometimes none at all, like France. Wouldn’t that
be exotic? - Each country having their own culture - imagine how many
adventures you could have, discovering something new every day!

I lived in Britain, each house was the same brick bungalow,
as it was the same throughout the world.

Equality was the word.

We out-ruled Poverty five hundred years ago, conquered the
fact that deforestation was going to kill us by creating artificial oxygen and
having one whole country as a zoo, with thousands of enclosures for each
animal. That was when the Russian War was finished and the country was in a
tired, broken down state - World War 4. Twenty Years ago. We overturned over population
by creating underground cities amongst the prisons, less criminal activity occurred
here now, the punishments so cruel, so harsh it’s almost unimaginable.

And it was on display to the public however you have to be
over 18 to watch unless you’re a ‘special case.’ In other words – Psychopathic.

"Sit down then!" Lauren exclaimed, pulling on my
cotton t-shirt to sit me down on the fluffy pink beanbag beside her. The
television began blaring its noise again, Our Ruler, the King of the World, sat
at the top of a pyramid. The last pyramid too.

The rest of the Government sat around the front edge, appearing
superior and proud in their pressed white suits and black ties, imitating Our
Ruler.

"Again I sit here. At the tip of the World's Last
Original Pyramid addressing you all, my children. The World is in threat by a
simple criminal who has declared his war against us. To destroy our ways of
keeping animal life going, of keeping equality and of keeping the One Ruler,
and dividing us, so we all break into war and devastation - killing off
humanity!" Our Ruler croaked, arms held up in the air, his face thin and
pale, deformed from the hundreds of operations to keep him alive this long. He
reaches the age nine hundred and seven in seven weeks - everyone will be
granted access to a world-wide party as we do every year. But it looks the same
everywhere - Equality.

What gets me, is that he basically has the whole World
against this one criminal - why such a problem?

"An Army has formed against our will, to brew a storm,
to destroy Our power!" Our Ruler corrected himself, brushing down his
seven-thousand pound suit from the spec of dirt that never existed.

“Our power we have no access to,” I chipped in miserably,
wishing, for once to see a war, to see the soldiers powering themselves through
sheets of metal armour, gun powder and frustration. To see each country’s
independence that no longer remains true.

"Therefore, we have conjured ourselves spies! The Guru,
will choose the five courageous Ninja's! Sadly, the Guru does not accept a
longer life as I, but is ready to rest at peace within this week... His
faithful work has kept us strong, his Sight Seeing Power beyond ours! Is to be
put at rest beneath this Pyramid. God Bless His Soul." Our Ruler drawled
in a softer voice, everyone chanting back.

"God Bless His Soul,"

"God Bless His Soul," Lauren and I whispered,
watching the Guru bow down before us on the T.V, in his deep purple robes and
turban livid against the golden sandstone pyramid and the blinding white stage
stretched out beneath it, a clear blue sky an ocean in a parallel universe, not
a cloud in sight. A sea of heads in the shadow of the stage stretched out for
miles, people gathering in a hope to see something… new. Well, Guru reached three hundred years, the average age we
live to these days, and I would die that age too, to avoid three operations a
week for the rest of forever.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," The Guru
murmured into his microphone, tapping it with two fingers, his eyes forever a
sinister green, his lips twisted into a half smile.

"Well, I must admit, I will not live to see this
criminal put down... Or even watch upon his punishment... Hm. But I live to see
five of the best warriors of this age, whom I've seen not only through a
crystal ball but through the clear river of Mississippi and the River Styx,"
he cleared his throat, putting a gloved hand to his chest.

“I shall call forth each brave soul separately and bless
each with my frail old heart,” he continued, leaning heavily on his mahogany
walking stick that must have cost a fortune, mainly because no Mahogany survived
now.

"Viktor Winner... Aged a healthy 33, please, come
forward..." The Guru beckoned, but he needn't call him forward because
when people are called forth through television, they are automatically
transported there.

The young man stood tall and burly, black hair, shaved in an
army uniform, his piercing blue eyes soft and faithful, and a kind, welcoming
smile revealing a perfect set of teeth. His torso was bare showing sleek skin
and a six pack, a black leather belt wrapped tight round his waist, just above
his hips, and he wore loose camouflage trousers. Around his neck he wore a
string of shark teeth set between small wooden beads that were engraved with
gold symbols of the Egyptians.

At least people had their separate cultures. I'd hate for
everyone to be the same.

Viktor bowed deeply, charmingly, and he looked straight into
the camera with a cheeky glint in his eye, my heart skipping a beat.

"Isn't he gorgeous?" Lauren remarked, fanning
herself dramatically, catching my eye and winking.

"Hmm!" I agreed, rubbing my hands lightly
together, leaning forward toward the T.V.

"Viktor! How privileged, you must feel!" Guru
smirked, watching as Viktor shook his head lightly.

"I certainly am Sir! I am proud to be fighting for such
a wonderful World, and against that dastardly criminal!" He roared, voice
slowly rising in tone as he punched a fist smoothly into the air. Now I
noticed, whenever he moved, it was with grace and a certain beauty mixed with
his burliness. He bowed down again, to his knee and didn't rise until asked.

"Certainly a Soldier at heart - A Guard of God - Our
Ruler!" Our Ruler announced, indicating for Viktor to sit.

Guru coughed roughly, his age starting to show through all
the makeup and wrinkle cream that was layered thick onto his face as he winced
up at the camera in an attempted grin. He regained his position before stating
the next champion.

"Next, our second Ninja, is Charlie Montgomery, Aged a
neat 52!" Guru shouted, waving his hand at Charlie whom had just popped up,
probably from his home couch.

At the age of 52 he still looked 17, muscular arms, a simple
t-shirt, blue denim jeans, a healthy, square face, not a wrinkle or blemish in
sight. No smile showed however as he bowed down so deeply his nose almost
touched the floor, then reached his full height again, his mid length blonde
hair a crazy mess.

"So Charlie - feeling good?" Guru questioned,
holding out the mike under Charlie's nose so his heavy breathing was multiplied
about the arena by a hundred times.

"You could say that." He said simply, letting his
mouth curve as he winked at a gaggle of girls down at the bottom of the white
lighted stage.

"Aren't you a charmer?" Guru grinned, patting his
arm as Charlie put his head down, hands in his pocket and shuffled to his place
in old white Nike trainers.

"Is he some sort of vampire!?" Lauren elbowed me,
mouth open, eyes glued to the screen.

"He's a very nice man isn't he?" I laughed,
admitting I was becoming rather attached to the high definition T.V as Lauren
had. I will definitely be coming to check how these Ninja’s get along – seeing
as they have looks to die for.

"Gosh, we've certainly picked some pretty nice lookin' Ninja’s!
Eh?" Guru gushed jokily, pulling the microphone back under his whiskery
chin before licking his lips.

"Next is Lily Grimes! Aged 24! She took the game so
serious, I just know we will be saved from chaos and save Our King, Our Ruler -
Our God!"

Slim, tanned, beautiful and young. Her black hair was pulled
back into a high ponytail, striking green eyes hid behind a cute side fringe,
her nails in perfect uniform shape as she pulled her hand through her thick ponytail.
Lily wore a slim fit tank top with black shorts and plimsolls – everything curved
perfectly around the shape of her body making her seem even more elegant, and
graceful. Thin curved eyebrows rose above her almond shaped eyes in a supposed
impressed impression.

"I'm chuffed Guru, honest," She practically
breathed down the mike softly, her voice light and sweet, as she allowed Guru
to run his hand down her arm.

"We will need all the honesty possible Madame!" He
said, patting her again.

"Mademoiselle," She corrected with a small tiger
growl, flashing a smile at the camera before standing at her place, doing a
half bow toward Our Ruler as she arrived at her post.

"Now, moving on, I introduce to you Darren Azul! Aged
49!" Guru mumbled loudly for a three hundred and two year old.

The kid jogged up in a black vest top, cute black curly
hair, dark brown eyes lit with self-esteem and confidence, blue patched jeans
sagging below his hips and a brown leather belt tucked neatly in around the
buckle.

"I come in a top grade of sexy - remember," he
said immediately to Lily, his hand brushing hers, but she withdrew slightly, an
eyebrow raised stating that she was, this time, unimpressed by his action.

"Darren! I'm… impressed!"
Guru laughed.

"Not all of us are though," he clicked his fingers
gloomily over at Lily playfully before striding cockily to his stand.

"Now, I'm surprised – they’re all freakin' luxurious –
and see how elegant they are! I wonder what the fifth Ninja looks like!
Hopefully cute," Lauren breathed, envying Lily, and wishing one of the
other three were hers.

"Darren looks like a bit of a jerk though," I put
in, half-glaring at Darren whom was staring at a hand mirror as he combed his hands
through his already perfected hair. I began eyeing Viktor curiously - he seemed
rather interested in his big shiny leather boots all of a sudden.

I missed Guru's line, all I heard was the last section. I
half wished I hadn’t either.

"Amanda Turpin! Aged 19, our youngest warrior, and it’s
most shocking that the fact is, she didn't even compete in the games to this
place - but all the signs definitely indicated her, also I would be disobeying
Our Ruler not to pull her in! So she must
come forward - Amanda!"

"WHA-" I
commenced in my choking before realising I stood on the large glaring white
platform under the deep orange sun, by the Pyramid that held Our Ruler,
standing foolishly in front of the over colourful crowd.

"Shocked Amanda?" Guru smirked mischievously, an
overpowering stench of mint approaching my way as his purple sleeved arm slithered
around my shoulders.

"What? But I don't understand - Guru, your visions...
Must be... I'm just Amanda Sir," I gazed up into his eyes... Those deep
sinister, not to mention old, eyes. I shivered, as he spoke into my ear, away
from the mike, his dry, cracked lips skimming my lobe, his hot breath rasping
down my neck.

"No mistake Miss. Now, go stand with the Professionals
as if you belong, remember though, your life is to be very short unless you do
as I say," he whispered.

Do as he says? But he only has a week, just enough time for
me and the ‘Professionals’ to get going, but, why threaten me? Threaten to kill me unless I did as he wished?

I pushed the questions from my already bewildered mind and
shrunk shyly to my post. I realised then, randomly as my mind whirred, that I
didn't look as attractive, or as nimble as the rest, at all. At least Dad
always used to say I was beautiful. Dad wasn't here to say that anymore, though
I know he'd be thinking that as he looks down on me from heaven.

Tight black curls to my shoulders, silky caramel coloured
skin, bright blue eyes, and soft glossy lips. You could say I was curvy with a
flat stomach. Tall, supple; cute, apparently. My hands were held behind my back
so my grey leopard print top was crisp and visible over my tight black leggings
that reached past my ankles and stopped at my bare toes.

"Our courageous servants of God, Our Ruler, shall now
be transported to a dinner that awaits them, so they can congregate - get to
know each other, as they will have to work closely together until these
criminals are punished, and most importantly, put down." Guru finished,
clapping his hands, creating a muffled sound echoing around the arena, everyone
mimicking but me.

Questions swarmed my head, simply putting me out of joy or
even shock.

Why was I chosen?

Why am I so special?

Why does Guru have a grudge against me, and why does he wish
to use me?

Maybe my answers will be answered later.

Hopefully.

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
AmethystNight
Review

Before I start the review I just want to mention something. I'm not sure if it's that YWS has messed up your formatting, because it does do that sometimes, or if my computer is displaying this weirdly or if you meant for it to be set out like this, but this seems to have the layout of a poem. For some reason there's a break after every line. This makes it hard to tell where new paragraphs begin, so if it isn't my computer being weird and if this wasn't intentional, then you may want to have a look at how it's laying things out in the editing section and trying and fix it.
Anyway, on to the reviewing. I like the plot - it's intriguing. The way that Guru almost threatens Amanda really has me interested. Why was she chosen? What will happen to her? These are exactly the questions that you want the reader to ask. There's a nice relationship being built between your characters too. Here are a few grammatical things that you may want to look at.

"Amanda!? Why, you know that's my favourite

match!" She cried pulling he

I have two things to say about this bit. 1) The exclamation mark and question mark combination should only ever be used in comic books. Using it in narrative writing is not very good practice. 2) When you have a bit of speech followed by a statement saying who said that bit of speech that is all one sentence and, therefore, the 'she said' 'he said' bit should not start with a capitol letter, unless it is a proper noun.
be exotic? - Each country having their own culture - imagine how many

I'm not sure why you used hyphens here. They don't seem to have any purpose.
wishing, for once to see a war

You're missing a comma after 'once' here.
Apart from that, this was a brilliant piece and I really enjoyed it. I will definitely be keeping an eye out for anything else you post. Great job.
Happy writing.

User avatar
Lozzanator
Review

I really loved this. You have a talent for writing. You excelled very well on Wattpad and you've done equally well in here. You were the one who introduced me to this website and I'm glad you did so thank you.
So to the book.

“My sister could sit through hours of old football matches right from the year 2000.”
^^^ This girl? She's awesome. I love how she has my name, my eye colour, my interests... What a coincidence!

You described Amanda well, with excellent vocabulary and you also creates a tension and an atmosphere between Amanda and the Guru. I don't know if the whole idea of the World is associated with some kind of book/film series, but I understood the basic concept if it is. I think it's a great start to what could be an explosive read.

Some might say my review is bias because I know you, however it is HONEST because I know you. Keep up the good work.

~ Lozzanator

Love that Lozzanator - sorry, it was another book - Cherub - that had a sister named Lauren and I put some of her characteristics into you, as I always imagined her as you, if you get what I mean! Haha, her eyes were blue, but I changed to have Amanda's eye colour so they were obviously sisters haha Thank you

User avatar
manisha
Review
manisha wrote a review · Sun Aug 25, 2013 2:06 am

Heyya Kazza!
manisha here to review!
I enjoy reading books based on dystopian fiction. It seems to a genre that is currently "in".
when writing dystopian fiction the writer should be able to explain the new world accurately to the reader so that the reader finds it easy to place himself in the new world and understand its workings. You have managed to do a good job in that section.

glittery dark brown eyes.
Are they literally glittery?

"Again I sit here. At the tip of the World's Last

Original Pyramid addressing you all, my children. "
I do not understand why world,last and original is capitalized. Unless it is title for the pyramid it is not necessary to do so.
Also why is our capitalized?

I like the idea of being able to transport through the television. It shows just how much technology is advanced.

The ending kinda confused me. Amanda seems to jump right into the conclusion that the Guru has a grudge against her. His words to her could mean many things.

Overall, it was very well written and I enjoyed reading it!
Let me know when the next chapter is up!
Keep writing!
-manisha

Our Ruler - it's a name, so it is capitalized, and sorry, the Pyramid, is the last - therefore is important, I made a mistake by putting it on Last as well, thank you for the review!

User avatar
Lozzanator
Comment

This is brilliant Kayleigh. I love that you included me! Though what's happening to Lauren whilst Kayleigh's saving the World? Love it x

Thank you !



If a story is in you, it has to come out.
— William Faulkner