Published November 7, 2007
[pre]"Lost"
lost.
searching
for whatever
it is that is missing.
Stumbling
on jagged rocks.
Falling on
your knees.
scraping away
with each
loss of footing.
feeling smaller
with each step.
weak and forever
fighting to move
forward.[/pre]
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,455 Literary Works • 672,122 Reviews
Only one complaint. I think you should use the word "your" instead of "my." Personalizing your poem calls attention to you, not the writing. Other than that, very well done! I love the line about feeling smaller with each step.
Very good. The spacing between lines makes me feel like I am gasping for air as I read. You are very good at writing poetry.
~Spirit
Thanks! I appreciate ur comments
i found this interesting, i like the discription you use, but i also like the metaphors.
it was short , but you got your point out there, i really liked how you ended it.
i like this alot. the punctuation is easily changed. i wouldnt change anything else;
keep going and dont stop , you are very good.
kim
Hm...critique now, compliments later.
After a few periods, you do not capitalize. This is a pet peeve of mine.
This is unclear. What is scraping away? Skin? Hope?
Besides those two things, I found nothing else wrong. I really like the way you seperated the sentences, it sounds awkward and choppy, but at the same time it seems right and perfect for the poem.
Well done!
<3;
Emily