"Consumed"

by kazie

Published October 22, 2008

Consumed in my thoughts.
Just scattered and thrown
not quite sure of myself
and my strengths.
I'm not sure how much I can endure.
But I know I am strong.
Consumed.
I can feel that I'm not the person I once was.
But I shall persist and be determined to be myself.

Comments & reviews · 6
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Arashi
Review
Arashi wrote a review Review · Nov 18, 2008

Consumed is a wonderful poem I like how it doesnt scream me, me, me rather you say it without saying it. Now I'm sure theres a word for that lol I have short term memory lol lets go with that ;) I have to say overall these are my two favorite lines

"I can feel that I'm not the person I once was.

But I shall persist and be determined to be myself."

Great job keep it up!

dudetakeapillitshealthy commented Comment · Nov 17, 2008

Dude, I'm like so mesmorised its like mind bottling an yeah like what does this mean

Mod: Please don't swear in reviews.

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guitargrl1323
Review
guitargrl1323 wrote a review Review · Nov 17, 2008

Consumed in my thoughts.

Just scattered and thrown

not quite sure of myself

and my strengths.

I'm not sure how much I can endure.

But I know I am strong.

Consumed.

I can feel that I'm not the person I once was.

But I shall persist and be determined to be myself.


This seems good for the beginning of something. Try adding more detail to make it longer: what brought you to that point, your own thoughts at the time ect. ect.

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Kaylyn
Review
Kaylyn wrote a review Review · Nov 17, 2008

Consumed in my thoughts.

Just scattered and thrown

not quite sure of myself

and my strengths.

I'm not sure how much I can endure.

But I know I am strong.

Consumed.

I can feel that I'm not the person I once was.

But I shall persist and be determined to be myself.


Nice poem. There are some grammar mistakes. I won't point them out thoguh, since DrammaMamma has already done so. It's true, and I hope that you continue to write, If you have any questions PM me. The best of luck!

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DrammaMomma
Review
DrammaMomma wrote a review Review · Nov 17, 2008

Hi there. A short and simple poem:) Short poems like this makes it easy for readers to read it. :D
However, I feel there are some mistakes.

kazie wrote: Consumed in my thoughts.
Just scattered and thrown*,
not quite sure of myself*,
and my strengths.
I'm not sure how much I can endure.
But I know I am strong.
**Consumed.
I can feel that I'm not the person I once was.
But I shall persist and be determined to be myself.


**I like how the word was fit into the poem here.

Besides that, I feel that the ending is .. Too sudden..? As in, maybe a better ending would have made the poem end smoothly. Yeah..

*Hmm, maybe you could have put in commas? To make the sentence a complete one? Yup.
Just some suggestions for you. :D

Overall, good attempt on this one!

Cheers,
DrammaMomma



Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
— Winston Churchill