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Young Writers Society



Sister

by Avis


You’re home again.
I missed you.
But why does it feel
So bittersweet?

Talking to you
Isn’t like it was before.
Why does it feel
Like you’re a stranger?

All my life
I’ve known you.
But you’re different now.
Have I changed too?

Suddenly
We’re alone in a room.
Why does everything I say
Feel so forced?

Will it ever
Be the way it was before?
No. I wish
I wasn’t so certain.

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Points: 0
Reviews: 63

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Sun Nov 22, 2020 11:41 pm
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NastyMajesty wrote a review...



Hewwo @kaydenwrites! @NastyMajesty in here for another (really) quick review xP! nice to see ya-- er you know what I mean lol :3
This is such a sweet poem and - even though I've never had a sibling go off to college (I mean, technically I'd be the first to leave for college lol) it seems exactly like what it would feel like. I can't even imagine not seeing one of my siblings (*cough* sibling I only have one xP) for such a long amount of time. It would totally seem awkward and almost like you have to get to know them again. I really like the second stanza- the flow was really great in this one: [/quote] All my life
I’ve known you.
But you’re different now.
Have I changed too? [/quote] Overall, amazing job! I really enjoyed reading it, keep it up! Keep writing!
:D




Avis says...


Hey ^-^ Thanks for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed! <3


Random avatar
NastyMajesty says...


YW <3 (:



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19 Reviews

Points: 42
Reviews: 19

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Sun Nov 22, 2020 7:06 pm
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Ignorance wrote a review...



Heya! Gem here, let’s review.

Pros

I love this theme! Now, I have never had a sibling go to college, so I’m not sure whether or not this is exactly how it goes. But I believe this is an excellent description.

All my life
I’ve known you.
But you’re different now.
Have I changed too?


I really like this line in particular. It shows how suddenly aware you are of all of these little changes, and you start to think, “Are any of these changes in me, too?”

Cons

Honestly, I should really trademark this phrase; I can’t seem to find the rhythm. This is a personal nitpick of mine, though, and it might not be the same for everyone.

I also have some lines that I myself would rewrite:

Why does everything I say
Feel so forced?


I think “Why do all these words
Feel so forced?” might sound a little better.

Will it ever
Be the way it was before?
No. I wish
I wasn’t so certain.


I might replace this with “Will it ever
Go back to what it was before?
No, and I wish
I weren’t so certain.”

Overall, I did really like this poem. Keep it up!

-✨




Avis says...


Thanks so much for the review and the feedback! ^-^




Ghosts, demons, and ghouls cannot scare the cat's underling.
— TheMulticoloredCyr