Feeling Unknown (edidited version)

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: Well this was a pretty nice little bit of a story that you've got here. I did think the descriptions, while really awesome with some great detail, were maybe just a little bit too much. Its not as nice as it could be when you do things that way. You really want to have a little more doing that just plain old descriptions especially if this is only the beginning to the story.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I watched her through golden eyes as she came into my forest. I was perched on a leafy branch about twenty feet above her head. She had long brown hair that came to the middle of her back. In her hair she had a dragonfly clip that was sparkly blue. She was wearing a bright pink t-shirt that had a bright blue heart and the saying True Love on a white banner. She was wearing dark blue skinny jeans with wavy designs running up and around the legs. She was wearing white sneakers with butterflies that decorated the sides. I couldn’t see her face because I was far above her head. I watched curiously as she came to rest beneath my tree. Her shoulders tensed as if she sensed me watching her. Her face slowly turned up and her eyes looked directly in mine, but I knew she could not see me through the foliage. I stared at her face studying her features. She had a pretty triangular face with a strong determination written on it. Her eyes were dark brown, but as hard as agates. I saw suffering in those eyes and wondered the story behind them. Her lips were soft and pink and they promised a smile if it were but for one thing. Running down her face, were tears.

She was crying. Though here eyes were hard tears were leaking out and streaming down her face. My heart softened toward this mere mortal. No! I refused to let my heart get soft with these mortals. I was supposed to find a certain mortal and become her protector, her guardian. I didn’t have time to become all gaga over this insignificant human. Her body slowly relaxed as her shoulders dropped and her head drooped. She collapsed, sitting beneath my tree, her knees tucked into her chest and her head on her hands. Her shoulders shook with sobs. Against my will, my heart once again began to soften toward this mortal. She was obviously hurt in some emotional way beyond my comprehension. Because I was not able to cry tears, it was hard for me to understand the emotions of mortals. Confused about me? Here maybe this will help. I am not a human mortal. I a creature from beyond the realm of human understanding. My kind are sent from our realm to become guardians over certain humans. These humans have either gone under enough emotional or physical pain that their body’s undergo a chemical change that disturbs part of their body. Some of the changes may be such that; their hair color starts to change, they can suddenly run faster or jump higher than normal humans. Some might be able to barely touch the surface of other people’s emotions or thoughts. The rarest change, only 1 out of million, is eye color change. This is where a human will change eye color to reflect mood, but along with eye color change they will develop a sense where they can understand other’s emotions and they will be able to feel exactly what others are feelings. This makes them more in tune to others and they make great friends and sometimes teachers. A rare effect that also may come into play if a person can change eyes is reading minds. There has never ever been a case where that has happened. But the elders of my realm have sensed a change. They believe that a female human mortal will come to that ability and I have been chosen to guide her. A greater honor could not have been bestowed and I take great pride in my job.

I turn my attention back the sobbing mortal. Her sobs have become louder and her body is beginning to shake harder. I stare at her in confusion. I have watched mortals cry before and this have never happened. My brow knits together and my golden eyes become spotted with black as I stare with a confused expression. Her body starts to convulse and suddenly she screams.

Agreed, very interesting where you are headed with this story. Very good so far.

Hi Kaylay!
Pink here.
I'm going to review this promising looking piece here.

First off, I think you should try to break these paragraphs up.
They're too cramped up and it becomes a bit frustrating to read.
Also, when you started your introduction, you went straight ahead and described her character. I think you might want to add a little spice to make the introduction a bit more eye catching. Like explain what that guy was doing up there or maybe he hears her cries or something.
Overall,
This was written well, some odd sentences here and there but that's about it.
I'm interested in where this is all heading.
Continue writing!

~Pink.