Published February 14, 2010
Poem a friend wrote and I need your opinion on it
"Am I?"
Am I free yet?
It sure doesn't feel that way.
I'm always glancing at the clock,
Dreading the end of the day.
Am I happy yet?
It sure doesn't seem to be so.
I'm always in my bed,
Experiencing another low.
Am I at peace yet?
It sure doesn't seem to be true.
He might have left--I can't tell;
I feel so alone, I don't know what to do.
Am I trapped yet?
It just has to be true.
Just like a lion, a tiger, a bear,
I'm stuck in a cage in a zoo.
Am I sad yet?
I've cried every day!
And no matter how many tears are shed
The pain won't go away!
Am I angry yet?
More than you know!
I've raged and stormed inside.
I'm about ready to blow!
Am I hopeless yet?
This sure feels like the end.
It's getting too cold, too hard...
I worry my broken heart will never mend.
Am I dead yet?
The end soon might be...
I'm being tossed and turned...
Drowning! Drowning, in a fierce, endless sea.
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Canary word: Present
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I liked the concept of this poem, however the rhythm seemed off in a lot of stanzas. I would have like to see more of a connection in the second line after the "Am I (BLANK)" line. Sometimes they were similar and I think that worked (IE: "It sure seemed" or "It sure feels"), but others did not mesh as well, and I think bringing in even more of a repetitive edge would help. Once again, though, I think it could be a really great poem if the corrections others and I have given are taken in. The message is very strong, it's just the execution that needs a little mending. Hope this helps!
OWL
i like this poem, but like some others have said, it didn't flow well, and you shouldn't have put true twice.
I love the idea behind it though! the rhyme is good, but maybe change a few stanzas around or something to make it sound better when spoken out loud.=)
Hello kayay123,
I really liked the symbolism in this poem but it had a really hard time flowing.
Try spacing it out more rather then big chunks that kind of rhyme.
In other woulds I liked the idea but not as much the product. Don't give up hope though, with a little tweaking this could definitely be vary good. Just keep trying!
hippie_vampire
I love your poem! It really speaks to me and I can relate to it. Keep on write!
I like it,but it shouldn't have true twice
Your syllable counts are really off, you have a lot of flow problems. Poetry isn't just throwing a jumble of words together and rhyming, you gotta make it sound good