Dearly beloved we are gathered here today for the wedding of these two wonderful people...
Love. love.
What we have is love; an undeniable case of forever.
Me. You. Happy.
We were meant for each other, to always be there for the other.
Always. Forever. I do.
We both said I do with full certainty that their was no one else we wanted.
Confused. Uncertain. Doubtful.
We hardly see each other anymore.
Worry. Rumors. Glances.
People give me sad stares as though they know something I don't.
Secrets.
My love what is happening to us...
Anger. Shock. Sadness.
Was I not enough that you had to share your love with another?
Disappointment. Frustration.
Why...please talk to me...
Resolve.
I do not wish for another.
Reality.
I do not want to live without you.
Finality.
So I won't.
We are gathered here today to pay honor the memory of a young lady who took her life...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hi there katiemyers! Niteowl here to review this for the Black Knights this fine Review Day!
Overall, this is kind of cliche, but I like it. I think the transformation from happy to shock to despair was pretty smooth.
Not a fan of the repetition of "other" here. Maybe a slight re-wording to something like "We swore to be there for each other always, for we were meant to be."
I think this would be smoother as "to honor the memory...". Also, ellipses are generally annoying in poems. One period would make it feel more final.
Another thing to consider is adding more imagery. Imagery is what makes poems really pop. For example, you could add a line of images that fit the mood of each part: white dresses and bouquets for the wedding, eating dinner alone, finding underwear that isn't yours, picking up the weapon of choice, etc.
One last thing: I think the first and last lines should be in italics, as they're from an outside speaker.
Overall, I think this was very good, though it could use a bit more imagery. Keep writing!
Thanks for the suggestions
Cool piece, I really like the style you chose since it gives some different perspectives and therefor a different way of seeing the same thing.
The ending was so sad, the emotions really hit me, to feel that way it's such a shame which is why it had to be my favourite part by far (though it was seriously all my favourite if that's even possible)... But on another note good for you to have been able to convey those feelings so clearly and creatively.
You are one of the great ones
-Happy review day and stay awesome
-Carmenblue
Hi and Happy Review day
My name is Mem and I'm here to review your work. This is a beautifuly written piece and I love it. I take it that the young woman killed herself because her partner left her for someone else? That sadly happens everyday but it's even more sad for a person who still loves the partner that has left. Although upsetting I found that the way you wrote her feelings in between her thoughts it made me comprehend what was actually happeing inside her head. Thanks for sharing this with us 
.
~Mem