You Can't Lose Someone You Never Had - Elegy -

Hi there its Rituparna for a review,
I loved your poem it was super cute and too sweet. It really brings back all the high school memories the crush and fall and creates an aura of that time. The references like ''I'd been your little puppy instead,
following your every command'' creates a good understanding of the depth and it interests the reader.
Now coming to the small changes that I would like to suggest are that -''I'd let my blind heart grow fonder,
so I could only see the
imaginary yonder'' - this line is appearing as if its force rhymed, which is neither necessary nor soothing in this part of the poem. I would suggest use some other word, or change the phrase as to give the same meaning. Try and experiment and I am sure you will come up with something better suiting.
That being said it was really good. And I am sure you got much appreciated for it in your language class as well. Keep writing, I see great potential in you and just don't ever stop using that talent.
I hope my review has been helpful and pardon me if I had been stearn as it was all meant in good earnest.
Rituparna

Hi Kat!

Welcome to YWS! You have done a good job. This was a very good topic to write a poetry on!

-You have got a great sense of rhythm! (Y)

-Raindrop already told you about those 'punctuation and capitalization' issues, so I will not bore you by mention them again!

-Let's talk a bit about losing someone you never had! Can you lose someone you never had? Well sort of. It can happen when you come to know or understand that the person you want always by your side can never be yours. Maybe, somewhere inside, you always believed that the person loved you too, at least that is what you always hoped for. But when you are proved wrong, you will feel like you have lost that person forever. So, the narrator of the poetry is sad because she or he believed that she or he had someone whom she or he could never have. It is a complex feeling. But you 'can' lose someone you never had.

-Sorry if I suddenly started to sound boring and weird!

Well, I wish you best of luck for future! Don't stop! Never feel satisfied! Keep writing! You have a long way to go!

Hello,hello,Katiekat!
I am here to review your lonely-looking short work now!
I like the tittle of this work.I am usually a big critic so this is a plus point for you and your work,of course~
I will go through this short work and check if there is something to correct.If you see (...) this is my correction.If no, you had passed my checking with no mistakes.I am kinda picky with the grammar and punctuation so I may be harsh with this.So let's start:




You can't lose someone you never had,

so why, oh why am I still so sad?

(L)aughing, talking,

crying, fighting.

We've been through them all(,) yet now (,)

you're just watching me fall.

I thought we'd been peas in a pod(,)

but we couldn't be further from it.

I'd been your little puppy instead(,)

following your every command(,)

always eager to please (its)

master.

I'd let my blind heart grow fonder(,)

(so) I could only (removed a word here) see the

imaginary yonder.

Once again to myself I ask,

if you can't lose someone you never had,

why(,) oh why am I still here,

so sad?

Good job overall.I like the feelings in this work.Just check these small correction and oyu are done.

BTW this is my very first "real " poem so please criticize appropriately thank you!