Young Writers Society

Yes i totally agree Duskglimmer. I shouldve went over and corrected some mistakes. Maybe thats the point of it...to leave you wondering....it could be different for others...who knows...whatever it made u feel.

Actually, could just be my tastes, but I'd keep the formatting and spelling quirks as they are. Makes the poem a bit different...it seems to me that people think that all poetry must be the same way, but in reality anything goes.

It actually flows better, I think, with the '...', sort of hypnotic. Sam likees.

I like this. Although I agree with Duskglimmer, you should break up your lines somehow, and fix your spelling. Your text is good you just need to fix the formatting.

Firstly, I have to say that the formating of this made it hard to read for me. The lines should be broken up somehow. Like:

Shattered time and memories gone
Just lost and unloved just like they knew
Just like they knew shed be when shed waster her time traveling toward that dream
that one dream she wanted
that dream she so desperatly needed
but it all ends tonite
tonite she'll capture and overcome
covercome and conquer that time when she lost hope in herself and her world

Although I'm sure someone else could break it up alot better (I stink at deciding where to cut off the lines).

Then there's a few nitpicks I have: "shed" should be "she'd", "desperatly" should be "desperately", and "tonite" should be "tonight".

Besides that, just looking at the overall wording of it, you repeat yourself alot and it seems a little over done. The line "but it all ends tonite / tonite she'll capture and overcome" works well with the repition, but otherwise I didn't like it.

Overall the poem did well at expressing the idea, although it did leave me wondering what was going to be so different about tonight.