Published April 5, 2011
My Soldier In Gray
You packed away,
I told you to stay.
You are so brave,
My soldier in gray.
I told you no,
And you said yes.
I said don’t go,
But for you it was best.
You sailed away,
I wanted you to stay.
You are so brave,
My soldier in gray.
Where are you now?
Can you write to me?
Have you fallen down?
Or hiding in a tree?
You sailed away,
I wanted you to stay.
You are so brave,
My soldier in gray.
I received your first sad letter,
It was covered in blood.
I hope things will be better,
And I send you all my love.
You sailed away,
And there you may stay.
You are so brave,
My soldier in gray.
Next there came a letter,
From the leader of your crew,
That things have gotten better,
Now in heaven, but I am blue.
You sailed away,
And there you will stay.
You were so brave,
My soldier in gray.
I’m alone now,
With nothing to say.
I keep my head down,
Until I see you one day.
You sailed away,
I told you to stay.
You are so brave,
My soldier in gray.
One day I will see you,
In our heaven above,
Until then I’ll stay true,
And keep my love for you.
You sailed away,
But in my heart you stay.
You were oh so brave,
My soldier in gray.
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140,252 Literary Works • 673,073 Reviews
Heyy!
I liked it a lot! The flow was great and the rhymes did not seem too forced. It also held my attention until the very end. I didn't find any edits so, nicely done. I could semi-relate to this poem because my boyfriend attempted to serve in the army last year (someone in his family passed away so they let him go). While he was away I felt many of the same emotions this poem addresses.
More poems, I like them
-Jessa
lol. Thanks for the help. No most of what I write is short stories about romance, and this kind of came to me out of the blue. I wrote the babies one because I have my baby on my mind then I thought i never write anything about war or sadness. I am seeing what all I'm good at. Thanks!
Or are you hiding in a tree?
The next letter that came,
Was from the leader of your crew
He said things were now better,
Other than this, I simply LOVED this poem. It was easy to follow, simple and plain, but really strong. I felt the emotion, and I really sympathized. It had a nice flow and progress something was happening, you weren't just descibing one moment and one feeling, and I liked that!
Great job! Keep it up
Other than that I hope this isn't really your story, but if it is then you have my thoughts. (Well, you have them anyways)