Published April 21, 2011
Fights and kisses
Oh how I wish I could say,
How I feel about you today.
I have known this a little while,
I think maybe we’re both in denial.
We don’t seem to get along,
But Couples fight, or am I wrong?
I’m starting to get nervous when you’re around,
Sometimes I can’t even make a sound.
Oh how I wish I could say,
I want things to go my way.
I once thought I’d kiss you,
At that time you caught the flu.
Sometimes I want to sing a song,
About how my heart to you belongs.
When we argue it’s like a little spat,
Sometimes I can be more than a brat.
Oh how I wish I could kiss you,
Many other things I wish we could do.
I once thought I’d tell you how I feel,
Now I wonder if we’d have something real.
You don’t see any girls other than me,
But we don’t talk, how can that be?
Although we argue over little stuff,
It’s nothing hurtful to make me huff.
I’m not a stalker but I’ll admire you from a tree,
Because for you my heart truly bleeds…
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
I liked this a lot! I love the way you captured the complexity of the relationship. The rhyme you kept throughout the whole poem was good too! :]
There was one part that confused me though...
Maybe try rewording what exactly you are trying to say here. Other then that I loved it; it was easy to relate to. Nicely done!
-Jessa <3
Thanks, no it's meant to be lower case on the frist quote and on the second, maybe I need a comma? No they didn't kiss, she was going to kiss him, but he caguth the flu.
Interesting. You capture (as I see it) a very complicated relationship from the girl's point of view.
Is couples supposed to be capitalized or not?A few mechanical things:
This line didn't quite make sense to me. Did she actually kiss him, or just think about it?
Other than that, I really liked this!