Almost 104 weeks. Weeks with a daily routine. Weeks I’ve gone without seeing my loved ones. Weeks – 104. Almost two years. Two years this Saturday. Two years I’ve spent behind bars. Seven hundred and twenty seven days.
I’ve been told I can go home soon. But how soon is ‘soon’? The very words came out of a man sixty two days after I arrived here. ‘Soon’ is a word that’s thrown around, with no real meaning. Like when people say “I’ll be back soon” on multiple occasions, yet ‘soon’ seems to vary between people and where they go. I’ve been ready to go since that day. 62nd day. Friday, 13th of May, that’s the day I got here. I guess that Friday the thirteenth really is an unlucky day. I am living proof of that.
I had a cellmate up until thirty seven days ago. He admitted to me that he was guilty of his crime, but I understand that the CCTV here isn’t very good. He was released on that day. If only the court could open their eyes… And possibly take the lens cap off the camera that looks into our cell. My cell. Alone. Possibly forever. Who knows?
It’s not a great feeling when you’re wrongly accused of something. It’s worse again when you’re thrown in jail for it. One hundred and three weeks plus four days. Yesterday I overheard two men talking, both of whom I know were wrongly accused. One has been here for nine years. I don’t understand how he wasn’t able to give an exact number of days; I thought everyone could do that. Maybe it’s just me. The other man has only been here for eighteen days. I took the liberty of counting, and I know he may not. Both men wrongly accused. Joseph Anthony McMahon spent roughly nine years behind bars. Nine.
When I first got here my mother managed to get herself into the building. I don’t quite know how. Probably undetected because of the faulty CCTV. I heard her but couldn’t see her in person. I saw her in my mind. When I was eight years old the doctor said that people like me had an excellent visual memory. He called it Autism. I heard my mother yelling at the guards to let her past and that “people like me” shouldn’t be kept behind bars. People like me. At first I assumed that she meant non-guilty people shouldn’t be kept behind bars. A few weeks later, it hit me.
People “with” Autism. I hate that phrase. I do not “have” Autism. I am autistic. That is the one phrase I hate the most. The word “have” implies that there is a cure, which implies there is something wrong, to which a doctor will disagree. I see no difference. Nobody understands. I like spending my time alone, there are no noises for me to try and counteract. It’s peaceful. I have had four cellmates since I got here. I ignored them all. I don’t need other people. They make too much noise.
Apparently, I have been accused of rape and the sentence for that is life. I just hate the idea of wrongly touching another person. If anyone in this place knew their facts about autism, I wouldn’t be here – but I am. I don’t have any children, nor do I have a wife. I prefer to be alone. The worst part about being here is when I have a cellmate.
I’ll be going home soon. Home. Soon. When I do get out of here, whenever that is, I will want to continue being alone, so it is home I will go. Someday. Someday, I’ll be going home.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I like this. It feels like I am the person and I know him completely. And yet he didn't speak a single word during the story. Its just thoughts. It is how I imagine someone falsely accused. The story has not made me think about it as a story. but as real life. it happens everyday. Everyday someone gets falsely accused. someone goes to jail that shouldn't. Also someone gets away with something. Keep writing!
From,
Buddy886551
I like how you start this piece, focussing on time. I can imagine that that is exactly what would weigh on your mind the most if you were in prison, time. It really helps to introduce the character.
I love that line. It's very witty and a little humorous.
This doesn't make complete sense. Try changing the word order or adding it to another sentence.
Those are the only things I thought you could improve in the piece.
This feels very realistic and strikes me as something that could easily happen, which is rather depressing though. The piece is also a good length - you don't over complicate it, which helps to add to the striking feel of the piece. Really good work. I enjoyed it a lot.
Happy writing.
I liked it a lot. To begin with you have a good overall style. The repeating for emphasis and all the specific numbers. You show us a lot about the character without directly having to say it and that's a sign of good writing. I really liked the line about him getting that she meant a few weeks later because it's just added evidence of the character and the "soon" comparisons are so true as well as the "have"/"with" debate because that can apply to many other things besides autism. Good job!
Well... the autism was a great twist. And, honestly, autistic people hate being touched. They absolutely hate it. So for an autistic person to be accused of rape is wrong.
Ah hem. Greatly formatted. A unique one too. I don't think that this has ever happened before. Good Job. I hope you write more in the future and I look forwards to it. Good luck
With All Do Respect
Whole Some Reader
Hey there!
First of all, welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy the site. There are a ton of amazing people here, who all share their love for writing. Now, on to the review! To put it simply, I loved it. I ate up every single word. I especially love that the protagonist anticipates getting out of prison, yet he knows he is accused of a crime that may keep him in there for life.
At first, I thought this was going a sort of journal/diary entry type of story, but I was pleasantly surprised. I liked how you kept the sentences short and simple. I feel like that shows he/she is so restless that (s)he doesn't want to speak too much at once. I hope that wasn't just me.
One thing I noticed was that you capitalized 'autism'. I don't think autism needs to be capitalized. Just pointing that out. If I'm wrong, sorry for mentioning it at all.
Oh, and one more thing. You started out using apostrophe's for things like: But how soon is 'soon'?
Then near the end, you started using quotation marks instead. It might have helped if you kept the apostrophe's consistent. Just because whenever I see quotation marks, I generally think of dialogue.
And that's all I have to say! Keep writing!
Yours till the Chocolate Chips,
Snow