Published February 22, 2008
Did this one a while back. When I first wrote it, I thought it was pretty good, but now that I've (arguably) "grown," I don't know. I think it could use some editing... What do you guys think?
Sanctuary
All sorts of pain has been thrown at thee,
And it hurts, oh-so-damn much.
She can't help but desperately flee,
She jerks and twitches at the slightest touch.
She flies to the safety of her room,
Breathing in a familiar air.
Content and distant from the face of gloom,
Thanking the gods for her cramped lair.
Now, she cries all that she wants,
She's free 'cause no one will hear.
At least she's away from all those taunts,
Blurting out secrets that she holds oh-so-dear.
She will cry, she will rant, she will dream,
She locks up in her only safe haven.
And no matter how caged the girl may seem,
In those four corners she's as free as a raven.
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It's not harsh at all!
It's about a girl (edited: could be a girl dragon), looking for a sanctuary (ie her room),
Haha, uhm...
Oooh, I think I get why you imagined that, because of the flying and the breathing and the lair thing, right?
Wow, didn't even think of that, thanks for pointing that out.
Thanks for the comments guys. I really appreciate it.
I guess that I don't really understand, but I really liked the poem... without understanding exactly what it means. Your rhythm and rhyming are good.
I imagined a dragon when I read it.
I think that it's a really good poem, it's just too subtle for my simple mind to understand.
Great job!
I have no edits on your wording or anything...
Teh Wozzinator
Hmmm.
I like it but i dont really get it.
It has a good flow and every thing.
I don't know.
Is it meant for the reader to imagine what it is??
Great job for a first post.
PM me if i was to harsh or if you need any help.
I like it how it is.
Preety good.
Thanks for that! It was really helpful.
Yes, I do like this poem. Some notes:
Perhaps "she thanks the gods..." rather than "Thanking the gods..." as this doesn't make sense.
"Oh-so-dear" sounds somewhat contrived; try simply "...she holds so dear."
Your tenses in your last verse also need looking at.
Yet this is an astonishing piece for a first-timer! Well done.
9/10