Do you know how it feels,
To get used and lead on,
To find someone you like so much
And to fall so far.
To get your heart ripped out as if it don’t belong.
To think that love isn’t for you,
And To know that how much you try
You will fall even harder the next time.
To just want to give up,
But know you can’t.
You go on and on
Just trying to prove your theory wrong
And yet every time you get close
It all falls apart.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey!
This was nicely done. i actual enjoyed your opening "do you know how it feels", I thought it gave us some questioning.
Keep up the great work!!
Kelsi =)
P.S: I know how it feels.
I did like the structure of this poem, however it did lake content and personality.
A few little changes could be made. For example:
I would consider changing "don't" to did not, or anything which can make this line flow better.
I did like your opening line, it can be very affective for your poem.
Good luck
Dofs...
Rightio. First of all, would you say this is a common, universal feeling of yours, to be betrayed and hurt by someone and to feel like giving up? Yes? Well, you're right. So doesn't that make you feel like you need to tell your. particular. story? I feel like that too. I feel like I want to know what you're feeling, your poem did that much to me. But I just didn't get it.
Yes, yes, we do, but chances are we don't know how YOU feel. This was an ok opening, but I think opening like this means you need to have a clear idea in your mind who you're talking to. Address the poem to someone in particular and already there's a spark.
I've heard so many say this...It's called a cliche. Stay well away from them. Be poetic. Poems do not use cliches because poetry is all about originality and fire and creativity and cliches are the opposite of that. They're the dullest forms of expression you could use in writing.
Most of your piece is so vague. I want details. You do you feel this way about? What do they look like? WHat special memories do you have of them, of yourself, of both of you? Make the poem yours, not just anybody's.
I think this poem needs more subtlety and metaphores