For school we are mainly focusing on works by Edgar Allan Poe. Our project was to create a poem to
use as an Epitaph for Poe. An Epitaph is a description that is placed on a tombstone. For example you
will usually see today 'Beloved Wife and Mother." Here is mine as of right now.
Today in class I rewrote the poem. The only thing that is similar is the last two lines, but as you can see Version 2 is alot better.
Version 2
Edgar Allan Poe
Down are his chambers of dark and dispair
The noise of Poe's quill filling the air
Debted by far to many not few
While he sits and writes his stories for you
His poems and tales may speak of his life
His beloved mothers and beautiful wife
So here he lies, for he has lost this war
And so quotes the Raven, "Nevermore."
Version 1
Edgar Allan Poe
Through his poems he can show
How life can be filled with woe
The love he shared at a cost
Of all of those who which he lost
Finally now he meets his end
Leaving us with the messages he sends
From his poems you will find
The secrets that filled his mind
Here he lies, losing this final war
And so quotes the Raven, “Nevermore”
_______________________________________________
I'm not very good with creating rythems for poems
so if anyone has any suggestions to help the poem flow more
by all means post them -Thanks
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I like the last couplet, the way it reflects the way he died, being beaten and all. I wonder, though, if you could incorporate "Nevermore" into things a bit more, so that it really delivered a punch, so it referred to something specific? I know Poe is really vague in the poem, but this is your work, so you can have the word refer to whatever you want.
I didn't like the first line for two reasons. One, I thought the twisted way of writing didn't hide the fact that "down" doesn't make sense. Turn it around and you have "His chambers of dark and despair are down", which is kind of a strange thing to say, and if it refers to him being buried (sorry if I'm missing another reference, I've only read a handful of things by Poe) it's kind of obvious if it's written on a gravestone, right? Two, I really want a reference to the dread of being buried alive that comes out in a bunch of his works (Fall of the House of Usher, Black Cat, Cask of Amontillado) to find its way into this poem, and that seems to be the place to put it. But that's just a little whim of mine, definitely don't take that suggestion if you don't want to.
Your second draft is much better than your first, and I can't wait to see what the third is like. This is such a nice break from the usual drab poetry about death and freedom and other meaningless things. I know you say you don't write poetry much, but you should write more. Keep it up!
-BFG
I wrote a research report on Edgar Allen Poe last year (which was extremely long, might I add) and your poems describe his life beautifully.
I love your second version the best, but I was just thinking for an alternative for your first version's ending:
And so quotes his deep sorrow "Lenore"
Then you may be able to combine the two poems...
I love Edgar Allen Poe, so your title certainly caught my eye. I'd love to see any more work you may do in the future on him. Just PM me.
I told you in school that I liked both of them, but now I see the difference. I love version 2!
-Moony
thanks I'm glad you like it.
version 2 is simply beautiful
Yay that means alot. And I did mean mothers with the 's'. Poe had a real mother who died of turburculoses (spell check?) when he was 3. His mother's friend Mrs. Allan kind of adopted him. That was his second mother, unfortunately she also died of turburculoses when Poe was in college. Plus it sucked for Poe cause after that Mr. Allan cut off Poe's money supply.
Thank goodness this one ended up working out alot better, now I'm off to decorate the tombstone I have to put it on. Wow that sounds creepy when I write it out!
Hurrah! This version was much more captivating! You definitely succeeded this time around, as far as I'm concerned.
Couple things here and there:
Ditch the 'are'.
Love this.
I understood what you meant here, but for slow people (like me) who have to read it a few times to get it, you should probably try to reword it a little more clearly.
Again, love this.
MUCH better than the original. This is my favorite part! But, I think you mean 'mother' without the 's', correct? Unless he had more than one, in which case I had no idea xD
Alright! You fixed the tense! *I really do love this couplet. I'm glad you kept it.
Overall, this was what I had been hoping for. You just made a Poe fan happy
*anti-pop
Version 2 has been posted on Dec 15 930 PM EST
Please enjoy I feel version two is much better
Thanks, it's only a first draft, but I'm not a good poet. Poetry is usually something I don't write so I feel this is a good start. Thanks for the tips I'll definitly try to edit it as best I can!
Hmm...this couplet sounds really forced, which is a shame because you had a good idea. I couldn't tell you how to reword this nesessarily, though. Just try reading this aloud and you should be able to hear what needs to be fixed.
Again, obvious forced rhyming. Read it aloud once more and you can probably figure out how you can write this without it sounding weird.
I would insert the word 'had' after 'that'.
Poe's already dead, so he wouldn't technically be 'losing', would he?
I was really looking forward to reading this (I am a HUGE Edgar Allen Poe fanatic) but I'm a little dissapointed after reading this because you had a lot to work with, yet executed it rather poorly.
However, I did like the first couplet and the last line.
Just make sure in your future works your sentences make a bit more sense.
Sorry if this came off as harsh. I'm just trying to help
Keep up the good work!
*anti-pop