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Young Writers Society


The Communication

by jster02

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

The flashlight beam swept across the trees, bathing the branches in its yellow light. Kurt could see his breath, a wisp of mist mingling with the shadows of the night. Lilly stood beside him, shivering..

“You cold?” Kurt asked, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, “I think we’re getting close.”

“Let’s go home,” Lilly leaned into him, “We can come back in the morning, when it’s warm.”

“It might be gone by then.”

“Are you sure you even saw anything? It could’ve been someone’s headlights, or-”

A twig snapped a few feet away and they tensed. Kurt swung his flashlight towards the noise to see a man some seven feet tall, wearing a tuxedo and checking a pocket watch. He jumped when the light hit him, stumbling a little before regaining his composure.

“Erm… hi” He said, adjusting his bow tie, “You two seem a little underdressed for such an occasion.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Kurt took a step forward.

The man’s eyes grew wide, “Oh, you’re not… who I thought you were. I’ll just be going now.” He slipped behind a nearby tree.

“Hey!” Kurt said, “What are you, some kind of government agent? A forigen spy?”

The man didn’t reappear.

Lilly grabbed his hand. “Let it go Kurt, it’s none of our business.”

“He knows something,” Kurt pulled away and ran to the tree, “and I’m gonna…” he trailed off. The man was nowhere to be found.

“Please,” Lilly pleaded, “I don’t-”

A strange noise filled the air; a thunderclap giving way to a howl. Green light shot into the sky about half-mile away, like a pillar of flame from the heavens themselves.

“There it is again!” cried Kurt, starting towards it.

Lilly stood there for a moment, mouth agape. Then, against all better judgement, she followed.

As they walked, the sound of music reached their ears. It was of a strange breed, played on instruments unlike any they’d heard before. The notes brought to mind the oddest sensations, sending jolts of electricity down the spine, and filling the nose with a sweet and spicy mix of smells. The night seemed brighter the louder it got; the trees themselves seemed to dance.

A warmth filled the pair as they drew closer, dissolving whatever tension their bodies still held. With every note, their fear grew fainter, washed away by with a wave pure, senseless joy.

The green glow had almost faded now, but could still just be seen over the next hill. Giggling, Lilly dashed towards the light, Kurt trailing after. The moment they reached the top, they froze, stunned by what they saw. The little valley below was packed with the most outlandish of people dancing around a shimmering green pool, the full moon’s face shining on its surface. Few among them looked remotely human; some had fur, others scales, even antlers, wings and tales.

Kurt and Lilly half ran, half stumbled down the hill. The music filled their minds, echoing through every bone, every cell, drawing them into the dance. All the world filled with color as they joined with the crowd. Gravity lost its hold; the music’s grip was stronger. They leapt through the air, twirling and spinning as the earth came undone. Clumps of dirt and stone rained from the sky, gleaming like emeralds. The stars shimmered all around, above and below, before and behind, close enough to touch. The trees wavered, rippled, growing tall and thin, short and wide, bending to the beat. There was no more sky, no more ground, just the green pool in the center of it all, growing brighter and brighter until it was all that could be seen, all that could be felt. It enveloped Kurt and Lilly, piercing them to their very hearts so that every thought dissolved in its brilliance. Then, even the light was no more.

The man checked his pocket watch, grimacing. There was still a lot of cleaning up to do. The sun shone high in the sky, too bright to bear for having foregone sleep the night before.

“Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it.” He muttered, “So much to put in order when things go wrong, you’d think they'd have found a way around it by now.” He glanced at the lump at his feet, covered by a blanket. “Such an important event, so poorly executed… what [i]were[/i]they thinking”

He sighed and knelt, pulling the back the sheet and staring at what lay underneath. The lifeless eyes of Kurt and Lilly gazed back.

“So unfortunate,” he murmured, “So very unfortunate indeed…”

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48 Reviews

Points: 5808
Reviews: 48

Thu Feb 20, 2020 4:52 am
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AndName wrote a review...


I love how magical, mysterious, and tragic this is. You introduced the characters, set about the conflict, then killed them. Good job! lol.

I very much like fairies and know how fairy lights lead mortals into the forest. But it's not really clear with Kurt and Lily what they're doing at first. He saw a light and she's cold. Then they see the man and he gets far away like they won't follow him. I like how naturally you introduce the man, he's just there but it doesn't seem off.

Anyway, if you put something like, "Kurt could see his breath, warm mist tingling with the shadows of the night, as his eyes strained to catch a glimpse of the light he couldn't hold onto. He had to make himself turn away to face Lily, who was shivering beside him..." In the very beginning to firmly establish the light as something out of the ordinary.

Kurt thinks immediately that the man is a foreign spy...which seems a little bit of a stretch in my opinion. If i was in the middle of the forest and I stumbled on a seven foot tall man in a suit, I would be more baffled. I wouldn't immediately think spy and it seems if he was under the spell of the fairy light he'd be more confused.

From there, I see nothing but praise. The fairy dancing scene is just magical, the sudden shift to day time dizzying. I really love how you go to the man standing over the blankets and he pulls them back is a wonderfully shocking way to end it.

The man ends with the man talking to himself about the 'important event' and how terribly it went. I'm not sure if he's saying "what were they thinking" to the fairies who planned the event or Kurt and Lily's corpses. That question doesn't need to be answered though, I really like the air of mystery to the man.

It seems like when he saw them in the forest initially he'd utter a word of warning but it does make sense he would take off as fast as possible. Humans would be dangerous to him, and fairies would be dangerous to humans...

This is a great short story with a thrilling air of mystery!


jster02 says...

Thanks for the feedback! I think you're right about Kurt's reaction to the man, I'll have to figure out a better thing for him to say. As the confusion at the beginning of the story, that's kind of on purpose. The idea was to get people wondering what exactly Kurt and Lilly are doing in the forest to begin with, so they start asking questions as soon as possible.

Anyways, I'm so glad you enjoyed it, thanks again for reading!

AndName says...

No problem :)

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6 Reviews

Points: 374
Reviews: 6

Thu Feb 20, 2020 1:28 am
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TheRedPencil wrote a review...


First, this is really good! I was immediately drawn by Kurt and Lilly and the sudden appearance of the man in the suit made me even more curious.

Your description of the music and how it was affecting them was really interesting and if I closed my eyes I could almost imagine it myself. The only thing that cut through the imagery a little was the description of their fear and anger fading away. Before that sentence I'd read Kurt as curious and Lilly as fearful, but neither as angry. It took me out of the story a little because I had to go back and reread to see if I'd missed something. When I reread it I could see how Lilly staring after Kurt as he goes towards the light with her mouth agape could be construed as anger, but it was so subtle that I missed it the first time. If you're going to mention the anger fading away it might do you well to have Lilly express that anger a little more vividly. Just a suggestion though, totally feel free to disregard!

Aside from that little emotional hiccup I really really enjoyed this and want desperately to know more. What is the point of this event? How does the man in the suit tie in to it? Why didn't he warn Kurt and Lilly away if he knew what would happen to them?

Thank you for sharing this amazing piece!

The Red Pencil

jster02 says...

Oops, I guess anger was a bit too strong a word there. I was referring to Kurt%u2019s reaction to the man earlier in the story, but I guess that wasn%u2019t as clear as it could%u2019ve been. I%u2019ll probably just remove the word entirely and leave fear.

Anyways, I%u2019m glad you enjoyed it! The goal was to make people wonder about the event, and I think I accomplished that based on your feedback. Maybe I%u2019ll write another story explaining the events shown here at some point.

Thanks so much for reading, I really appreciate it!

Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.
— Euripides