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Young Writers Society



L’labtoof

by jsmi


In my Travels in the field as an anthropologist , I have stumbled across a ritual, and I am not sure whether it is a religious ritual or a game, they sometimes call it a war, and these are my notes of the ritual while attending:

The ritual of L’labtoof is a sport that is performed in a grassy stadium or arena, it also cheered on by thousands of loyal followers that wear the colors of side that they choose. There are many similarities to sport of Y’bgur and has the same name as a larger known sport everywhere but in the region called L’labtoof, but here it is called Reccos. The players wearing heavy Paraphernalia (for what I assume is protection) start facing each other, and make a pattern. Then, they take the ball and pass it to the R’etauq-kcab who then tries to pass the ball over head to the catcher or Kab’rennur who tries to get to the end of the arena and dodging men who try to attack them and crush them, then from the scene of the attack they start again.

Half way the ritual there is a celebration, and a sudden rush the refreshments, and some kind of performances. Afterwards, the frenzy settles down, and they begin to play again, an observation that I have made is that there is no way for the match caller to make the masses happy. if the ‘Fer” calls it good one side grumbles, if he call it bad or “foul” the other side grumbles, also the team masters are always mad at the match callers.

Another cruel Irony is that people with the largest stomachs seem to watch the sport the most. for those who cannot attend the ritual can observe from their houses on a tiny painting box that moves with someone talking over the ritual the whole time, every few minutes another picture comes on and is bragging about something, whether it is a political announcement or a sponsor, they pick up a rectangle and speed up the time in the picture box.

In conclusion, this ritual is all about glory, and pride, the player fights to win, the coach is directing them, the onlooker cheer them on, and the glory goes to the winners they, as become heroes and others look up to them.  


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Thu Mar 26, 2015 4:59 pm
Morrigan wrote a review...



Hi there!

This was a cute and funny way to describe football. I thought it was nice that instead of simply spelling everything backwards, you also took time to add apostrophes to create even further a foreign effect. Nice job.

I think you should take it out of italics, as to some people, italics are rather difficult to read. It doesn't really benefit the article in any way, and I just think you should have it in normal font.

You capitalize certain words that don't need to be capitalized. Like Irony and Paraphernalia. You don't need to capitalize these.

I think that it might be wise, in order to complete the illusion of an outsider looking in, to investigate the culture around football games. You simply tell what happens during a football game, but there is much more to football than this. Perhaps you should talk about how people think football players are heroes, but are really not. They don't really do anything for the country. I think this would confuse anthropologists. Yes, there is a degree of celebrity, but they are not heroes.

I hope this proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!




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Thu Mar 19, 2015 2:32 am
EternalRain wrote a review...



Hello!

Okay - I'm here for a quick review.

So, I though this was a very clever little piece. It reminds me of something we did in history a while back (just article about 'Nacirema', American spelled backwards). Anyways, it was a very enjoyable and fun read.

There really wasn't much of a problem with it, besides the grammar. There were a few grammar errors, and some run-on sentences. Be sure to go and fix those (super easy and quick ;))

Imagery. So, you had some but a little extra description would be nice.

Half way the ritual there is a celebration, and a sudden rush the refreshments, and some kind of performances.

So. Celebration, refreshments, performances. What do they do? What kind of refreshments are there? Do they need icy cold drinks to cool themselves down and cease the beads of sweat on their forehead? Etc etc. just a little more info makes a story good (or- arcticle, really depends on how you classify this).

I really enjoyed this! It was a nice, different read! Hope this short review helps! :3

~ EternalRain




jsmi says...


Thanks!




Half the work that is done in this world is to make things appear what they are not.
— Elias Root Beadle