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Hanahaki Disease

by joyyyyyyaaahh


Unlovable bodies molded into vases—

Vessels that welcomed gruesome roses with despair

As lungs struggled for affection, it embraces

An agonizing love that left no room for air.


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5 Reviews


Points: 88
Reviews: 5

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Sat Jul 04, 2020 7:12 am
mercurialbuddha says...



I really enjoyed this small poem. Enjoy is such a small word to describe the experience I had. I would rather say, the experience shook me from within. I was surprised by the title,wondering if its a real disease I googled it and discovered that it's not. After getting a thorough idea of the concept from (https://fanlore.org/wiki/Hanahaki_Disease) I was able to appreciate the hidden nuances of the poem. I believe any reader unaware of this fictional syndrome, kindly visit the aforementioned link to get a deeper understanding. I am glad we have poets like yourself, who teach us new stuff and force us to come out of our comfort zones and learn and embrace new things.




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5 Reviews


Points: 88
Reviews: 5

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Sat Jul 04, 2020 7:11 am
mercurialbuddha wrote a review...



I really enjoyed this small poem. Enjoy is such a small word to describe the experience I had. I would rather say, the experience shook me from within. I was surprised by the title,wondering if its a real disease I googled it and discovered that it's not. After getting a thorough idea of the concept from (https://fanlore.org/wiki/Hanahaki_Disease) I was able to appreciate the hidden nuances of the poem. I believe any reader unaware of this fictional syndrome, kindly visit the aforementioned link to get a deeper understanding. I am glad we have poets like yourself, who teach us new stuff and force us to come out of our comfort zones and learn and embrace new things.




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1315 Reviews


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Reviews: 1315

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Sat Jul 04, 2020 2:23 am
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Hannah wrote a review...



It was an interesting experience to read this poem based on my own knowledge before searching for what the title referenced and then see how the poem felt different for me afterward.

At first, the poem felt like it may have been making a commentary on the size or condition of the bodies by placing that aspect in the first line. For anyone who has experienced a relationship where they felt like they were begging to be loved and where this desperation expressed itself until the relationship was strangled to death (read: me!), it seemed as if the last two lines were referring to such a situation.

After Googling the title, however, this poem now feels like a simple, straightforward description of the fictional disease, and I am a bit disappointed by that, to be honest! I mean, there is no doubt that it is a quality, poetic description of the disease. I can see the visualization of the flowers growing out of the person, which lets me feel like now I have the "right answer" as to whey the bodies were molded into vases. But I kind of liked how I felt about the poem before that.

What do you think? Would you rather have this poem be a "right answer" to writing a poem about the fictional disease that obviously touched a chord in you to make you write a poem about it, or would you rather it be a bit more open ended, so that readers can bring in their own personal experiences into the lines? If you enjoy a more open ended relationship with your reader, my suggestion would be to change your title!

And then the only other thing that sticks out to me is that "vases" and "embraces" need to rhyme, but you go from plural to singular when talking about the bodies. Could something else embrace the love that leaves no room for air? Hope, perhaps?

Thank you for your beautiful writing! Good luck!

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173 Reviews


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Fri Jul 03, 2020 6:41 pm
JesseWrites wrote a review...



Hello there,

This is short, so there isn't much to work with to create a good review. I will try to throw in praise and criticism, but I think it will just end up a line by line how I feel, which may still help a little bit. Tell me if I'm harsh.

Okay, onto the review.

Unlovable bodies molded into vases—


Oh, that sounds so pretty. I like how the wording is sort of out there, but it still seems like it makes sense. That is a really cool thing that I haven't seen in poetry a lot, so good job luring the reader in with a great opening line.

But one thing that makes me think is why vases? That seems a little off, but it fits. I just think it could've been themed to make it work a little more.

Vessels that welcomed gruesome roses with despair


Again, it's so nice and powerful, but some areas are just weird. Like roses are such a wonderful thing to add into poetry literally or in a figurative state, which I believe is what you meant for this.

The same said for last two lines.

One thing is this is under art. I think it should be under poetry because it is shaped like a poem and it's language is quite like it came out of a poem, so you can ask a mod for help or maybe you can do it on your own.

Have a good day,
Haley




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31 Reviews


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Fri Jul 03, 2020 2:26 pm
thepages says...



Wow, great lines you've got here!:-D





"I never expected that I should be a queen so soon."
— Alice's Adventures in Wonderland