Unlovable bodies molded into vases—
Vessels that welcomed gruesome roses with despair
As lungs struggled for affection, it embraces
An agonizing love that left no room for air.
I really enjoyed this small poem. Enjoy is such a small word to describe the experience I had. I would rather say, the experience shook me from within. I was surprised by the title,wondering if its a real disease I googled it and discovered that it's not. After getting a thorough idea of the concept from (https://fanlore.org/wiki/Hanahaki_Disease) I was able to appreciate the hidden nuances of the poem. I believe any reader unaware of this fictional syndrome, kindly visit the aforementioned link to get a deeper understanding. I am glad we have poets like yourself, who teach us new stuff and force us to come out of our comfort zones and learn and embrace new things.
It was an interesting experience to read this poem based on my own knowledge before searching for what the title referenced and then see how the poem felt different for me afterward.At first, the poem felt like it may have been making a commentary on the size or condition of the bodies by placing that aspect in the first line. For anyone who has experienced a relationship where they felt like they were begging to be loved and where this desperation expressed itself until the relationship was strangled to death (read: me!), it seemed as if the last two lines were referring to such a situation.After Googling the title, however, this poem now feels like a simple, straightforward description of the fictional disease, and I am a bit disappointed by that, to be honest! I mean, there is no doubt that it is a quality, poetic description of the disease. I can see the visualization of the flowers growing out of the person, which lets me feel like now I have the "right answer" as to whey the bodies were molded into vases. But I kind of liked how I felt about the poem before that.What do you think? Would you rather have this poem be a "right answer" to writing a poem about the fictional disease that obviously touched a chord in you to make you write a poem about it, or would you rather it be a bit more open ended, so that readers can bring in their own personal experiences into the lines? If you enjoy a more open ended relationship with your reader, my suggestion would be to change your title!And then the only other thing that sticks out to me is that "vases" and "embraces" need to rhyme, but you go from plural to singular when talking about the bodies. Could something else embrace the love that leaves no room for air? Hope, perhaps?Thank you for your beautiful writing! Good luck!
Hello there,This is short, so there isn't much to work with to create a good review. I will try to throw in praise and criticism, but I think it will just end up a line by line how I feel, which may still help a little bit. Tell me if I'm harsh.Okay, onto the review.
Wow, great lines you've got here!:-D
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