It's pretty good...the title immediately makes me think of Song of Solomon. Not sure if that's what you were going for, but it's good.
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He is as the cluster of camphire,
as the rows of jewels,
as a chain of gold,
He is her beloved.
She is as the fountain of gardens,
as a well of living water,
as an orchard of pomegranates,
She is his love.
He is as fine as gold,
as sweet as flowers,
as excellent as cedars,
He is her beloved.
She is as a flourished vine,
as fair as the moon,
as clear as the sun,
She is his love.
It is as strong as death,
as perfect as itself,
as a seal to their hearts,
It istheir love.
It's pretty good...the title immediately makes me think of Song of Solomon. Not sure if that's what you were going for, but it's good.
This seems more of a poem not a song. For one this you don't have a chorus. And the verses don't really flow like a song. I like it as a poem though.
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