liftimes of a village boy.

. “A long time ago in the animal kingdom, there lives a mouse that was so proud of his self. He believes that he was made perfect, not to be found wanting in any area of animal life. There is this foul scent that characterizes his presence and he has a long mouth. This mouse is called Nkapi.

In the same kingdom lives a very small rat. This type of rat is usually found in west- Africa, as small as a day old rat though it is an adult. This rat is called Mbe. Mbe was known for his intelligence and smartness.

It happened that Nkapi was passing by the road one day and saw Mbe surrounded by a crowd listening to him, this scene ignited his curiosity. Nkapi approached a member of the crowd beckoning on him to explain what was happening there.

He was told that Mbe the rat is delivering an important lecture. He went wild with jealousy, like an enraged bull Nkapi forced his way through the crowd to where Mbe was. Standing face to face with the rat, he started laughing loudly. To the crowd it was an odd scene, they could not make any sense of the whole incident but to Mbe it was not a surprise.

After laughing, now tired of it, Nkapi hissed and asked Mbe if he was a baby or an adult? Mbe answered straight that he was an adult. This answer initiated another series of laughter after which Nkapi now facing the crowd declared that he wonders how a baby Mbe would look like if the adult looks like this.

This infuriated Mbe who instantly asked Nkapi if he was alive or dead. Nkapi as usual smiled proudly and still facing the crowd declared that he is fully alive. Then Mbe who was also facing the crowd carefully stated that his wonder remains the fact that he can not imagine how foul a dead Nkapi would smell if a living one smells so foul. This made the crowd roar with laughter, Nkapi who has become so ashamed bowed low his head as tears rolled down from his eyes in recognition of the humiliation. Mbe went on to tell Nkapi that everyone is made imperfect, so he should recognize that and not be so proud of his self.”

That was the last folk tale we heard from my father before bedtime. I felt that the story was meant for Ekene, earlier in the day and on most occasions in his life, he has boasted about a number of things he is capable of.

On that particular day, a fight ensued between Ekene and the no-nonsense Ada. Ada was in the same age bracket with Ekene. She lived beside our house with her mother and as the villagers used to say, her father visits them from time to time. I use to wonder how her dead father would visit them, the thought use to make freeze until Ada told me the meaning of that saying.

According to her, their father visits them when they want him to do so. I vividly remembered that I asked her “how” in a searching tone. She said “when ever we think of him, he comes to our mind, and then we discuss anything we want with him. My mother taught me this and it works fine. You know, I could not cope with my father’s death initially until I learnt this.”

She was the only child of her parents who are just poor farmers. Even though she had a small stature, her strength and courage was as big as an elephant. Ada disgusts pride unlike me who only hates it, so it was no surprise when she pounced on Ekene my immediate elder brother that day. What caused the fight I cannot grasp totally until they were separated and interrogated.

This is a part of the story, it continues in the next post

Comments & reviews · 2
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Lava
Review
Lava wrote a review · Tue Sep 14, 2010 5:36 pm

Hi joshik!

Welcome to YWS! I'm Lava and I shall take a look at this.

Grammar: Well, I noticed a lot of grammatical errors basically with your tenses. Is English a second language for you? Don;t worry, practice helps you improve. (It did for me, English isn't my native language.) You can find some grammar articles of you search on google or here: forum320.html
Characters: I do like the animals. However, I would like to see more of the main character in this chapter.
Description: Well, you should work on improving description. Show us the place, the emotions, the thoughts. Show us a little more so that we feel connected to the characters.

Also, this is a pretty short chapter. I'm sure you can add more to it and make it better.

Feel free to PM me if you need any sort of help on anything. I'd be happy to help out.
Cheers,
~Lava.



A ruler leads by example, not force.
— Sun Tzu