I want you, need you.
You dont understand,
Havent realised
What you mean to me,
The world is blunted when I see you,
Though shapes recieve a sharper edge.
Life slows down,
As if the world stopped spinning.
The rate of my heart increases,
As if i'm bleeding catastrophically.
How have you not realised?
Surely you must know
The way I think of you,
How my mind is consumed,
By an alien interference,
It disprupts daily life,
I can't think straight,
Can't function right.
Yet you don't recieve the signal.
From you,not even a glimmer of acknowledgement.
Eyes remain blank,
Like paper, waiting for the inky flood of inspiration
Unseeing,as if you walk with a cane.
Painfully the sun rises over the horizon
Like a wouned giant, crestng the causeway's top step,
One dreadfull, clawing crawl at a time
The dark fire reflects a burning heart
The streaking dawn bringing realisation,
You dont want me, need me,
I understand.
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139,660 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
Its a great read but it feels over flown as if your feelings jus spilled out.
The dark fire reflects a burning heart
This is a great line. I think you might maybe want to end with something similar to this. Not that you have to but when you say "I understand" what do you understand how broken are you about it? How do you accept it? deal with it? It can be a whole other poem entirely. Sometimes when I write a poem I write two versions of it an put them together. Keep it up
this is really good! and very powrful.
I just have one thing that might make it more powerful. When you say lines like "like I am bleeding catistrophicly" (I know spelt wrong by me) You don't need to be so literal because it is poetry not prose. instead maybe say "I am bleeding catistrophicly)
this can apply to all the poetry you write. Good luck and keep writing you have talent!
-Ali