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This Caged Thing

by jodo


All I want is to be free

Free from my thoughts

Free from my emotions

Free from these chains

Free from this prison

Free from the illness

Free from the pain

Sleep

The grandest illusion

The cruelest trick

To give this wretched soul respite

To only condemn me again each morning

Again with these chains

Again with this pain

All I have ever wanted was to be free 

Though apparently,

A life such as that could never be for me

To be free,

Something I will never see

Was there a time where I knew such freedom?

Or was I simply unable to see 

These walls, these chains, this pain

The walls have been closing in lately

Each day my cell grows smaller

Each day it getting harder to breathe

I ask, where will this life lead me?

I guess, all I've ever wanted was to be...

Free

Free, from this caged thing that is me.


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189 Reviews


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Reviews: 189

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Sat Aug 08, 2020 5:31 pm
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Hi Jodo, I'm Lee, and here to review your poem! Oh, and welcome to the site! I hope you enjoy it here, and don't hesitate to ask me about anything you need help with. :D

Now, regarding your poem;
My overall impression is that it's quite good. You've done a nice job of expressing despair and anguish, along with the frustration of being trapped. Your feelings were conveyed to the reader, which is possibly the most important thing about poetry. And this poem is relatable to quite a few people, I think.

When I look at individual parts, I see room for some improvement.

I'm sorry if my review comes off as too critical; just trying to help!

I'd like to talk about punctuation; in the last few lines, there was a sprinkling of it, but that isn't nearly enough. I just think that if you added commas and fullstops where they were necessary, this poem would be so much better. In the sense, there would be more stress in parts where it was necessary, and a sense of weight would be added to the whole poem. And in the first part, there was a moment of confusion where I couldn't tell where a sentence ended and another one began.
Here are the first few lines, with punctuation:

All I want is to be free;

Free from my thoughts,

Free from my emotions,

Free from these chains,

Free from this prison,

Free from the illness,

Free from the pain.


Additionally, I recommend using stanzas to organize and neaten your poem. It makes reading it a little easier and creates a smooth sense of transition between different trains of thought. Besides, it'll be easier for readers to drop reviews.

To give this wretched soul respite

I suggest changing this to, "Giving this wretched soul respite."

To only condemn me again each morning

It's Only to,, not To only. At least, that's how that pair works.

Though apparently,

A life such as that could never be for me

To be free,

These lines don't really add much to the poem; there isn't a new feeling or a particularly new thought. I'd advise you to scrap them completely.

Was there a time where I knew such freedom?

*when*, not "where."

These walls, these chains, this pain

This has to end with a question mark, or it just looks and seems sloppy.

I guess, all I've ever wanted was to be...

Free

Two suggestions here: Remove the comma and the ellipsis.

Free, from this caged thing that is me.

Ooh, nice. This was my favourite line, and certainly a very cool way to end your poem.


You've done a really good job; is this your first poem? Regardless, I am impressed and laud you on your writing skills. However, there's just one other thing; don't get me wrong, but this is a slightly cliche topic to write about. That doesn't make the quality any less, of course, it's still really good; it just makes the poem more predictable.

Feel free to disregard any suggestions you didn't find useful. Once again, I apologise if my review was too critical.

Keep writing!

- Lee



Random avatar
jodo says...


Thank you for reading and for your feedback. I'm sorry that my writing is cliche. It wasn't at all planned out. I was just going through one of my daily lows and decided to write about how I felt rather than doing nothing. I'm glad that it was somewhat legible because I often don't recall ever writing these pieces. Almost as if they are a different part of me crying for help. Anyway, thank you, no one ever reads my writing which prompted me to try this site out. I was surprised to see that people read my nonsense and actually responded to it. Once again, thank you.



LittleLee says...


If you ever want me to read anything by you, just let me know!

And please don't hesitate to ask for my help navigating the site; I'd be glad to.
Anyway, here you will get people to read your work, so I hope you like it!



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Sat Aug 08, 2020 2:35 am
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VioletFantasy wrote a review...



Hello @jodo!
Welcome to YWS! If you ever have any questions about the website, feel free to P.M me. Now, onto the review. This poem was beautiful and very relatable. I really enjoyed the repetition that you used throughout it, especially in the first half.

“ Sleep

The grandest illusion

The cruelest trick

To give this wretched soul respite

To only condemn me again each morning”

This is definitely my favorite part of your poem. Sleep is so wonderful, but I can never get enough of it. My alarm clock is always waking me up too soon. I swear those things are demons in disguise. You did a wonderful job of describing how evil sleep really is.

Your grammar and spelling is basically perfect here! I only saw one mistake in this line: “ Each day it getting harder to breathe”. “It” should be replaced with “it’s” or “it is”. Other than that, I have nothing to change! I absolutely loved this poem. I can’t wait to read more of your poems or stories in the future. Keep writing!!
VioletFantasy





The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
— Helen Keller