z

Young Writers Society


12+

Chrys and Shujaa Reunited

by jimss23


Authors note: I really, really, don't like how this scene is right now. It could be that I don't like writing romance, but this is what I got so far. HELP!

Preface: Chrys and Shujaa are reunited after Shujaa did a brief stint in prison. They have been together almost five years before this event occurred. They are members of a criminal organization. He and Chrys are meeting again for the first time after Shujaa is released. Chrys and Shujaa have powers, Chrys' being an ability to use electromagnetic forces. 

Shujaa pushed the metal door open and walked out into the top of the building. The Bai Jian morning sunrise dashed the sky bright red and orange. The light peered around every building and the sky-scrapers sparkled. Shujaa stepped forward and took a deep breath of the morning air. A sea breeze had cleared Bai Jian of its usual stick and squallier.

Shujaa looked across the roof to see Chrys sitting on the edge of the building, feet dangling off the side, staring at the beautiful colors in the sky. She was wearing her normal sweat jacket and cargo pants. Shujaa looked down to see that he was still wearing the orange jumpsuit he wore in prison. Chrys looked over her shoulder and nods her head in the direction a pile of clothes on the floor.

Shujaa made his way over to the pile and quickly threw the t-shirt and jeans on. “Ah, feels good to be out of that horrible orange thing,” he said, stretching.

Chrys didn’t take her eyes off the sunset. “I bet.”

Shujaa moved to the ledge and sat down alongside her. He stared at her for a brief moment. Her eyes were locked on the sun coming over the horizon. She didn’t make a move as he sat down.

“It is good to be back,” Shujaa said slowly. Chrys nodded but still didn’t look at him. “How’ve you been?”

Chrys bit one side of her lip. “Miserable. Just miserable.”

“I’m back now Chrys. Things are gonna get better,” Shujaa said, trying to be upbeat. Chrys paused for a moment and then looked him dead in the eye.

“It would have been better if you didn’t leave me alone for two years,” she mumbled. She began to tear up and she wiped them away.

Shujaa ran his hand through his hair. “Trust me, I didn’t want to.”

Chrys shook her head. “I know you didn’t want to. But you did. For two years. Two god damn years.”

“I’m sorry Chrys. You know I never wanted to leave you. I worried about you every single day, trust me,” Shujaa sighed. “But I promise this it will never, ever, happen again. I promise.”

Chrys took a deep breath and slowly composed herself. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”

They sat there for a few minutes until the sun had finally settled in the sky. The bright colors were replaced with the light blue of the early morning.

Chrys slid closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder. Shujaa didn’t make a move as she got close beside him. “Thank you, by the way.”

“For what?” he asked softly.

“Nia told me what you did for me. Why you went to prison. How you did it to protect me,” she replied in kind.

Shujaa sighed. “Yea, well, I couldn’t bear to see you shipped off to that horrible place, now could I?”

Chrys moved her head up a little to look at him. “How bad was it?”

Shujaa reached around her and placed his hand on her shoulder, pulling her closer. “That’s not important right now. What’s important is I’m back.”

Chrys snuggled closer to his chest. “Yes. Yes, it is.”

Shujaa looked out into the cityscape below. “You wanna go on a mission soon? Get back to the old ways? Bash some heads in?”

“Yes, I’d like that very much,” she whispered.

Shujaa chuckled. “Then it’s a date.”

Chrys smiled. “Okay.”

They sat there for a bit, quiet. Chrys then turned up to look at him. “Hey, you want a smoke?” she asked.

Shujaa nodded. “Yea, if you got one.”

Chrys pulled away from him and reached behind her and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. She opened them up and pulled out two of them. She put one in her mouth and made a spark with her fingers and lit it. She handed the other one to Shujaa.

“Help me out?” he smiled, putting the cigarette in his mouth. “I don’t have fire abilities last time I checked.”

“No problem.” Chrys snapped her fingers once more on the edge of Shujaa’s cigarette. Once it was lit she once again snuggled up to him.

Shujaa smiled once again. He looked over the city as they sat there smoking together. “Yea, it is really good to be back.”   


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Points: 204
Reviews: 4

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Thu Feb 01, 2018 12:06 am
SirHenryFisher wrote a review...



Good job on this story!
I liked the descriptive words that you used, like when you said "The Bai Jian morning sunrise dashed the sky bright red and orange. The light peered around every building and the skyscrapers sparkled."
Also, I liked the weird names you used, Chrys, and Shujaa, very creative. It's also good how you gave you characters personality, like Chrys is saddened and has a depressing attitude, while Shujaa has an attitude of someone who just wants to change.
You did a great job with spelling and grammar, but I found one mistake. When You wrote: “I know you didn’t want to. But you did. For two years. Two god damn years.” Goddamn is one word.
In all, good story. It is well written and you're good at descibing the surroundings and writing dialogue. Keep up the good work.




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104 Reviews


Points: 4417
Reviews: 104

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Tue Jan 30, 2018 11:25 am
Danni88 wrote a review...



Hi jims! Danni here for a review!
*le gasp*

"Yea, if you got one."

This needs to be written out in full, so yeah not yea. I notice you use this twice, which is really bad.
It seems strange that the prison guards let Chrys sit on the roof and Shujaa could just walk out. Surely there should be a bit more than just that.
Also, she's just seen her boyfriend after two years. She doesn't seem that emotional. I can't talk, cause I'm rubbish at writing emotional romance and whatnot, but maybe express her feelings a bit more.
OK, that's it for nitpicks.
Overall, I enjoyed this. It has a real hidden wow factor, if you get what I mean. Just needs a little more polishing.
Keep up the good work!
Danni x





The adjective should reinvent the noun.
— Leslie Norris