'Cut'
Silence.
Slip down onto the cool linoleum
Hear the drip of the faucet
Raspy breaths in your throat
Notice your heart beat quicken
Feel the blood coarse through your veins
Place the cool metal against your skin
And slide across silently.
Slight sting as the red trickles out
You feel pain, but at least you feel something.
7 years later.
The scars fade, yet still linger.
But the memory of the pain remains
The black hole in your soul, is still there,
But only when you allow yourself to think about it.
And you have thought about it.
But unlike back then,
You now have things to live for.
You have friends.
People who love you.
People who you know would be devastated,
If you were to leave
And that makes all the difference.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Yeah... I can kind of feel the message of the poem right now...
But anyway, I felt this poem was extremely broken. It seemed like you placed all that you wanted to put out as a message in the poem itself. I think you should work on really bringing out the power of your message here. As it is, it just seems really point and blank; it feel likes there could be something more. Hope this helps.
although many will probably bombard you with comments about how cliche this is, i must stand in arguement aganist them. just because the subject is overused, it doesnt' mean that it isn't extremely real and powerful. it happens, and i know from experience that this poem is not only truthful, but express relatively well.