Published August 30, 2009
When the sun comes out, that's me telling you good morning.
When the wind blows, that's me trying to get your attention.
When the rain pours, that's me telling you I miss you.
When a thunderstorm comes, that's me telling you that wasn't such a good idea.
When twilight comes, that's me telling you good night.
When the snow falls, that's me telling you everything is okay up here.
You might not see, but you can see my signs.
My signs that are telling you I am there.
So look for those signs,
because their there..
You just have to look.
So listen to me.
Your angel.
Your Guardian.
Your Guardian Angel
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140,631 Literary Works • 673,569 Reviews
This is really pretty! Good job!
I felt as though you didn't need to repeat a lot of the words. A tiny bit of grammar that needs fixing.
hehe. I clicked on this, because of the song "Your Gaurdian Angel". And I was pleasantly surprised to see this! It made me smile.
Keep Writing!
~Mo.
Hey, jessabelle, it's really good. I have my own guardian angel... so that poem made me smile. I think if you just fixed the "their" and made it "there" towards the bottom, you'd have a masterpiece. What Dr. ^^up^^there^^ said was right, it would flow better if you didn't say "that's me" every time, and also dropped the "your angel, your guardian" and just had "your guardian angel."
You're talented! make more.
Thanks, </3icanbefixed
Interesting. That's my word for this particular piece. Unique, at least to the poetry I have read in my life.
First thing that nagged me-
Their should be they're. And also, why two dots? Can't you just add one more? Putting two dots instead of three is a peeve of mine.
Also, I know it seems like a cool poet idea and all, but repeating "that's me" for the first couple of lines is more annoying than poetic. I don't think it's the redundancy, but the phrasing.
and etc sounds better. But that's just me.
You might not see? Well, if I actually can't see, then I can't see your signs. If I'm blind, I can't see a sunrise, or snow, or twilight. So this sentence doesn't really make sense to me. Perhaps you were going for something along the lines of "You might not see me"?
This seemed... unnecessary to me. Why not just say "Your Guardian Angel"? And also, you forgot the period at the end of Your Guardian Angel. Which is the last sentence of the poem, so that really nagged me and completely threw me off from the entire poem, leaving me with annoyance rather than the feeling of the poetry.
Sorry if I was a bit harsh! I just hope I helped. Overall, I liked it. It's a good idea, and written well enough that I believe the angel is actually talking to me and cares about me. Keep writing!
.Doctor
It's me again. I know, stalker.
I really like this poem; especially the last three lines.
Your two longer lines, however, seem a little awkward. I'm talking about, of course
and
Those two lines seem a little underdeveloped. Like they're half-baked. Maybe more like...
When You hear the rumble of thunder; that's me trying to warn you.
When the snow falls; that's me telling you everything is alright. (Not much of a change there; just slightly shortened.)
Fix that and I love it.