Published June 23, 2011
Prolouge
They would strut down the street reeking of confidence. With their gang signs' loud and clear, these 6 men would never go un-noticed. "We've seen it all," they would say, "Been through it all, done it all, made it all." Yea, they were going somewhere alright. The swag and confidence they had suddenly been lost, as they opened the door to their hideout zone. The six men had just been trashed, and they were not happy about it. Its only begun. Shit.
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140,210 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Alright, well I'm having a bit of a hard time figuring out exactly what this is meant to be here. It doesn't quite seem to be complete for starters. There's also a sense of this kind of sounding like a bit of a prologue, but it could also easily pass for the start of a first chapter. And to top it all off this is about the same length as what you'd expect of a blurb, soo..yeah we've got ourselves a teensy bit of a conundrum there, but well I'll try and review it as something like a prologue here.
So, this appears to be talking about some overconfident characters that generally strut all over the place for whatever reason it is that they do so...and for some other reason now find themselves in a sort of fix where everything has been lost. Or at least, that is the gist of what I managed to decipher here. This piece is a teensy bit confusing to understand.
Now, if this above is what you intended for this to mean, I'd say that's a good start here, it sounds like something that can catch you interest as a reader and could potentially make for a good story.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Spiderman Here. That was terribly short for a prologue. At least make the prologue. 400 words. You could make it longer by describing each man, giving there names, describing the outside and inside of their trashed hideouts. What about their strut reeked of confidence? What are their gangs signs? We knoew they weren't happy about their hideout being trashed, but show how they react to it>
Hi,
I'm Hollow and I shall be your reviewer today!
This piece certainly could be edited. Some examples:
It starts with:
And epilogues belong at the end, not the beginning. So, it should begin with
Plus...
"Signs'" should not be possessive. "Loud and clear" cannot be owned.
"6" should be written out. Trust me, my LA teachers have all agreed.
"Un-noticed" should be one word- unnoticed.
This should start a new paragraph, as should
Also, add an "h" to the end of "Yea".
This sentence is a bit confusing.
They had the confidence, so it should be, "confidence they had had suddenly been lost..."
"As they opened the door to their hideout zone" is pretty good, but you should get rid of the comma before it.
"Its" is the possessive form. "It's" is a contraction of it has/it is, so it should be:
All in all, pretty good. Keep it up!