I loved him, I always have I just didn't know it before. Then when we started dating realized it. He was unbelievably perfect. Every thing I wanted in a best friend. I thought we were going to get married I really did. Or at least till the day he died. He was hit by a car and it was like having my heart ripped out of my chest ten fold. I cried and stayed in bed for weeks on end. It took to much energy to even shower, I didn't want to go to school because every day I went to school I was reminded of him. It was like being addicted to something when you don't have it theres a nagging pain that you can't push away or ignore. The only thing that can make it better is your addiction, but I couldn't stop the pain cause my addiction had run dry. I had lost the one thing that meant the most to me.
It was a Tuesday when I decided to do it. I turned on the bath water as hot as it could go because I thought maybe it would help I stripped and climbed in. I grabbed my razor and dissected it until it was only the blade. I cut into my wrist. My first cut was small, but it felt so good that I cut another one. Then another , and another. I let it bleed until the water was dilluted with my blood . My vision started to blur at the edges the last thing I heard where my mothers horrified screams.
This isn't something I'd actually do it just sounded good so don't worry I am not emo
That is not something that I would ever actually do but it sounded good so I wrote it 
I'm really a happy person:) �
Please review
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Thank you I will use this to help with my next copy
!!!
You have good ideas for this story, I'd just like to give you a few tips to improve it and have a nice polished final copy. The red is corrections, the blue is suggestions.
I loved him, I always have#FF0000 ">. I just didn't know it before.#0000BF ">It was when we started dating that I realized my true feelings. He was unbelievably perfect. Every thing I wanted in a best friend#0000BF ">But isn't e meant to be more then a friend?. I thought we were going to get married#FF0000 ">, I really did. Or at least till the day he died#0000BF ">I didn't understand what this bit meant. He was hit by a car and it was like having my heart ripped out of my chest ten fold#0000BF ">This should be put in a new paragraph. And I think you need to spend more time explaining this. Instead of saying straight away that he was suddenly dead, take a bit more time. Build up a bit of tension before saying it, then start a new line about how it hurt you and affected you. I cried and stayed in bed for weeks on end. It took to much energy to even shower #FF0000 ">and I didn't want to go to school because every day #0000BF ">I did that, I was reminded of him. It was like being addicted to something #FF0000 ">and when you don't have it there#BF0000 ">'s a nagging pain that you can't push away or ignore. The only thing that can make it better is your #0000BF ">said addiction, but I couldn't stop the pain cause my addiction had run dry. I had lost the one thing that meant the most to me. #0000BF ">I think in this bit you use the same word (addiction) a bit too much, try to find some variations of the word
It was a Tuesday when I decided to do it. I turned on the bath water as hot as it could go because I thought maybe it would help#FF0000 ">. I stripped and climbed in. I grabbed my razor and dissected it until it was only the blade. I cut into my wrist. My first cut was small, but it felt so good that I cut another one. Then another , and another. I let it bleed until the water was dilluted with my blood . My vision started to blur at the edges the last thing I heard where my mothers horrified screams.
#0000BF ">A very strong ending about your mothers screams, but like the bit where your guy was hit by a car, you need to draw it out slightly to make it more affective.
So I hope you didn't find this too harsh, I honestly like the story, but I think it has potential for a whole lot more.
This is not a true story !!! I repeat not a true story!!!
if to was a true story she probably walked in or was bringing towels to my bathroom!
thak was really good, i like the face that you said your love for him was a drug, it really felt like i knew what you ment, i, of course, don't XD but it was wonderfuly written, but how'd your mom know? did she walk in? just wondering
You were right about writing the story to get it out of my mind because sometimes I forget Ideas I have and there not as good as the second time
It's got good... what to call it... I'll just explain it good. This is a skeleton. It's sturdy and well-built. Now you need to add meat to the bones. The first part was alright, but details, why you loved him, memories, etc, etc. And the ending, it was so blunt. But... I don't know, not emotional enough for someone cutting or committing suicide or something. You might have well have said "I drew a bath and then cut myself with a razor blade until I passed out/died."
In no way is this supposed to be mean. But it kind of sounds like something you quickly wrote just to get an idea out of your mind. If that's so, then keep working on it. If not, then keep working on it. If you absolutely hate it, you should keep working on it until you love it. If you absolutely love it, you should work on it until you can't stand it because the words are burned into your heart so it hurts to think about it.
It's a good start, keep working, and then tell me so I can read it again!! or if you don't want to work on it, whatever, I think I'm gonna check some of your other stuff =]
good luck!