Verse 1: Sweet and savory,
Like a blueberry,
Nothing ordinary
Yet something rich,
And chocolaty
Maybe, I'd go for original
Baby are you virginal?
If you're limited,
Then you're sold for me
I'm usually not a fan of icecream
But When I saw you I screamed
Nothing towards the beauty;
In the moment I got stinged
By a bee
I started crying, damn I'm weak
When you asked what's wrong with me
I said my mother died last week
Chorus: Then you kissed me on the cheek
I went "AW" and I went weak
Then my heart melted to the floor
Which caused a slip and a fall
I hit the very scary walls,
Of the city of Jericho..
So I marched around, played a tune
The barriers fell, revealing you
You're the promise land,
That my God has planned,
You're so cool as icecream,
Wont you be my own?
I'm a little cracked,
But I can be your cone... oh oh oh oh
Can I be your cone oh oh oh oh x3
Verse2: Juicy, and so luscious,
Rocky road delicious
Tell me bout you're morals,
Girl, I don't taste promiscuous.
Usually I'm not so quick to choose
Especially when there's thirty-two
Flavors in life, but tell me
If to you, do I stand a chance?
Am I at a good stance?
Do I lack the credibility
For some romance
Just, you and I
I wanna try Love Potion 9
Even though they tell me that I'm not your type yet..
Chorus: Then you kissed me on the cheek
I went "AW" and I went weak
Then my heart melted to the floor
Which caused a slip and a fall
I hit the very scary walls,
Of the city of Jericho..
So I marched around, played a tune
The barriers fell, revealing you
You're the promise land,
That my God has planned,
You're so cool as icecream,
Wont you be my own?
I'm a little cracked,
But I can be your cone... oh oh oh oh
Can I be your cone oh oh oh oh x3
Bridge: "Some like strawberry, lemon lime,
Chocolate mint, and daiquiri ice,
Marmalade, banana splits,
I want something called your lips
It's something earned, and never rushed
Did you know you are my crush?"
....wow I think I just blushed...
Chorus: Then you kissed me on the cheek
I went "AW" and I went weak
Then my heart melted to the floor
Which caused a slip and a fall
I hit the very scary walls,
Of the city of Jericho..
So I marched around, played a tune
The barriers fell, revealing you
You're the promise land,
That my God has planned,
You're so cool as icecream,
Wont you be my own?
I'm a little cracked,
But I can be your cone... oh oh oh oh
Can I be your cone oh oh oh oh x3
hahaha, i actually really like this. i came in with pretty low expectations, but this was totally unexpected. i can totally imagine someone like Jens Lekman singing this. it's exactly his tone and style, and his voice would just express this perfectly. anyway, enough of my indie-music fetish. this was cute, and surprisingly good. other than a few grammatical errors and a few misused words, it was great. you're by far a better songwriter than i am. keep it up.
Hello there!
A few grammatical errors here and there, I noticed. "Stinged" should be "stung" even if it messes up your rhyme scheme. I don't quite like your use of "weak" in the first verse and in the chorus as well, I'd recommend getting more creative with your word choice.
"Baby are you virginal?" should be written: "Baby, are you virginal?" -- even in a song I like good grammar use.
"Then my heart melted to the floor" in the chorus seems a bit unoriginal...I bet you can find that phrase in too many love songs. Again, be creative and make up your own metaphors.
I don't like "If to you, do I stand a chance?" in v.2, it doesn't flow very well in my opinion.
"Wow I think I just blushed" in the bridge seems like a phrase you put in as a filler because you couldn't think of anything else. Yes, it rhymes, but that doesn't make it good.
Alright...now on to what I liked.
The metaphorical use of Jericho and the tumbling walls was great. But "promise land" should be "promised land", FYI.
I laughed (and loved): "I'm a little cracked, / But can I be your cone..." Very original and endearing, if you ask me.
Well, that's all I have to say...keep it up, you are fantastic.
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