Brother Beaver

by jazzylynx

Published December 16, 2014

E - Everyone

In funny stuuf

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Brother Beaver

Written by Austin J Nemeth

One day, on a bright glimmering morning Ben oak and his brother Dave oak woke up and exhaustedly got out of their bunk beds. Ben was the older brother in the picture so naturally he was taller than Dave, even though Dave would keep reminding him that he was only taller than him by a few inches. Ben also had fairly big teeth with a bit of an over bite his tail was like the size of an oven mitt, his nose was a size of a cherry and just as red as one too. His fur had like a light hazelnut color to it and, he would never leave the dam without his warm Toronto maple leafs tuke. Now as for his younger brothers appearance, Dave had a dark oak fur colour to him, a slight under bite due to his front teeth being smaller, his nose was more like the size of a strawberry and was black, he shared the same size of tail like his brother and, both their eyes were like an emerald green. Oh, did I happen to mention that they were both beavers, or did their last name being oak give it away. Nonetheless, they both shared common interests as you can imagine two brothers would like going for a swim, playing and watching hockey and, fishing. However, enough about them lets continue on with the story. As Ben reached on a shelf to grab two empty cups the kettle went off like a train, letting Ben know the tea was ready and also letting Dave know that it is time to wake up and get this day started. As always, things felt like everything was just the typical norm. “Hey eh, you wanna pass me a cup?” Dave asked Ben. “Sure here ya go eh” handing Dave the warm and refreshing cup of tea. “What kind did ya make today eh?” “Pine and maple bark our favourite eh” Ben replied happily. As the two brothers blissfully sipped their morning tea, Dave turned to the clock and realizing the time he exclaimed, “Oh fiddle sticks, its 9 am!” “Ah man eh! Really? I feel like I just sat my tail down” said Ben groaning. The two brothers quickly scurried their way through their house getting ready for work, as they both furiously tried to get there proper work clothes on Dave asks Ben “eh, you wanna use my lumber jack axe body spray?” “No thanks eh,” he replied” “I rather use my new meadow scented deodorant “. Finally, they pulled themselves together and managed to make it to work on time or perhaps a few 1, 2 or, 10 minutes late. “Well” said ben's as he and his brother were looking up at the tremendously high pine tree. “It is not going to cut itself eh” “I sure hope not eh, or we would be out of a job” replied Dave in a joking fashion. Now as Ben and Dave chopped away at the tree using their great white teeth, they heard a strange noise coming from down the forest. Curiously yet frightened, Dave goes behind Ben and asks “uh… you think we should go and check it out?” “As long as you’re not too scared to come with me eh” Ben replied in a teasing manner. “Hey, what did mom tell you about teasing me eh?” “Oh just come on” as Ben had already started walking. The further they had both walked, the more disoriented they felt as this was a part of the forest they had not yet explored, until now. The trees on this side of the forest were a lot shorter and lifeless and barely any of them had actually greenery on them. As they continued to walk, Ben noticed something behind the bushes. He shoves his younger brother closer to the bush while saying “how about you go check it out eh and if there aren’t any bears or nothing around you come back.” “Well what if whatever it is, they try to hurt me?” replied Dave alarmed by bens idea. So not knowing which one of them would go through the bush, they settled this by the only way they knew how. The both energetically tried shoving each other in the bush exchanging the phrases like “I don’t wanna and you can’t make” or “why don’t you just do it”. As they both were in a heated shoving battle they both slipped and ended up falling into the bush together (as luck would have it) and when they looked up Ben yelled “poachers!” as the two brothers franticly ran back to the other side of the bushing trying to catch their breath. Ben whispers to Dave “did they see us” “uh I don’t think so” Ben replied “you know that’s how uncle Marty bit the dust, one day he was minding his own business sitting on a log and the next thing he knew he was a fashion accessory for someone’s head.” They were now overhearing the hunters conversation. The one hunter chuckles “ha ha beavers are so dumb, they only belong in two places, on my head or over my fire place.” His buddies laugh and the other replies by saying “ya, there just nothing but dumb furry, big teethed, rats.” Dave whispers to Ben as they slowly walk away and back to the job site. “Did you hear that, those hunters are de-animalizing us?” He said outraged. “uh Dave” Ben said while trying to be the voice of reason, “I think you mean de-humanizing us” “ well Ben, I’m pretty sure were not humans, so that’s why I improvised and put animals instead since, if you haven’t noticed that’s what we are. “ ‘I thought we were beavers” replied Ben trying to lighten the mood with a joke. “Ha ha” replies Dave sarcastically. “I just think hunters and maybe even people have the wrong perception of us ya know?” “What do you mean Dave?” ask Ben curiously. “I mean even though we may behave silly and unfocused, we have a great personality. Like Ben you are my older brother so you are kind and are always there for me and know how to cheer me up and, my personality is being the funny one or maybe I’m not all there sometimes but I still have deep thoughts and would stick up for you.” Ben pauses before he speaks, trying to be cautious of what to say next. “ you know what I think you may be right Dave however, I also suggest you don’t think too much of what they said even if they meant to discriminate us since, they are just being prejudice against us and we shouldn’t let that get to our heads. After all we have to face it that there is inequality in the world and there will be people who we meet that are like that. It’s just a stigma and were better than to let that bother us right?” cheered up Dave said as he smiled “right Ben” now after having that big moment, the two oak brothers walked back to their work and finished the job. After they arrived home being exhausted from the day, they lay back on the couch and watched their favourite show “well I’ll be damned” while watching the show Ben exclaims at the TV “I can’t believe how this commercial is trying to tell us that to make the male beaver look better, we have to start doing tail ups to make our tail look buffer. Its conformity I say! And I will not be influenced by it” “whoa Ben, chill out eh. We already had a big moment today with the hunters; leave your comments till tomorrow. I mean one deep, emotional talk a day man. We got to pace ourselves.” And like so the two oak brothers continued on to enjoy their show. Reminding us to always take one big deep emotional talk a day because if you don’t, then well let’s just say your biting more of than you can chew.

The End

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Dutiful
Review
Dutiful wrote a review Review · Dec 28, 2014

Hi there!

I'm here to review your faaabulous work!

Let me start off by saying that this was an absolute refreshing read! I guessed that the story was about beavers from the title(lol) but I never thought that the story would be so different!

So, kudos to you for originality!

I enjoyed reading the story of these two beavers, and I'll be honest, I was thinking of one of them cartoon shows when I was reading it! I was smiling, that's for sure!

Having said that, I think there's a huge scope to make it better so that everyone can thoroughly enjoy it like I did. You do have a really amazing talent, and we wouldn't want it going to waste, now would we?

Anyways, let's start off the nitpicking shall we?

Firstly, I think you could have spaced the passage a bit and written it as separate paragraphs instead of clubbing the whole thing under one ginormous paragraph. It looks very cluttered, and I'll be honest with you, I did end up skipping more than a few lines because it looked a bit unattractive.

Secondly, I want you to proof-read anything and everything before you post it. It helps you to identify the errors and mistakes(aren't they the same? lol) and prevents us from pointing that out.

That's good right?

Next, I saw some issues with the infamous tense. This is one area that almost everyone ends up messing. You need to be clear when you start writing. Whether you want it in present or past. I mean it, it will help you SO much.

Punctuation. This is one other thing that I saw amiss in your work. Use proper punctuation marks, or your work ends up looking a bit shabby.

Now, moving on to the story itself. I quite liked the introduction. I thought it was spot on! Really good. As the story progressed, I found myself chuckling at the part where the beavers use deodorant, and the part where they watch shows on the television. I thought that was brilliant.

The part in the middle, I thought was a bit too rushed. It was as if reading a set of events placed in chronological sequence and not like reading a story. So, maybe you want to check that.

I liked the relationship between the beaver brothers. It kind of reminded of my sister and I.

Reminding us to always take one big deep emotional talk a day because if you don’t, then well let’s just say your biting more of than you can chew.


This has to be my favorite line from the entire story because it has so much depth and meaning. Nice! (:

In short, this is a really promising piece. With a little tweaking, I'm pretty sure your skills can become extraordinary!

Keep writing!

PickledChrissy wrote a review Review · Dec 17, 2014

Heya, Chrissy here for a review!

First things first, I'd like to say that I love the idea. Two beavers arguing and talking like humans! And the whole thing about the height... It sounds like me and my older siblings.Not always such a good thing, but in this case, awesome!

I just had a couple nitpicks.

You need to break up the story into paragraphs. A paragraph is a separate idea, so instead of.....

Ben also had fairly big teeth with a bit of an over bite his tail was like the size of an oven mitt, his nose was a size of a cherry and just as red as one too. His fur had like a light hazelnut color to it and, he would never leave the dam without his warm Toronto maple leafs tuke. Now as for his younger brothers appearance, Dave had a dark oak fur color to him, a slight under bite due to his front teeth being smaller, his nose was more like the size of a strawberry and was black, he shared the same size of tail like his brother and, both their eyes were like an emerald green


It would be....

Ben also had fairly big teeth with a bit of an over bite his tail was like the size of an oven mitt, his nose was a size of a cherry and just as red as one too. His fur had like a light hazelnut color to it and, he would never leave the dam without his warm Toronto maple leafs tuke.
Now as for his younger brothers appearance, Dave had a dark oak fur color to him, a slight under bite due to his front teeth being smaller, his nose was more like the size of a strawberry and was black, he shared the same size of tail like his brother and, both their eyes were like an emerald green.


Paragraphs are usually between three to five sentences, but having them longer or shorter is fine, if it helps with the flow, or to emphasize a certain sentence. As long as they are the same thought they can stretch on for as long as you want.

as you can imagine two brothers would like going for a swim, playing and watching hockey and, fishing.


In this sentence you might want to remove the first And and move the comma in front of the second. Like this,

as you can imagine two brothers would like going for a swim, playing, watching hockey, and fishing.


It flows better, besides.

“Hey eh, you wanna pass me a cup?” Dave asked Ben. “Sure here ya go eh” handing Dave the warm and refreshing cup of tea.


Always make sure that you put different people talking in different paragraphs. For example...

“Hey eh, you wanna pass me a cup?” Dave asked Ben.

“Sure here ya go eh” handing Dave the warm and refreshing cup of tea.


See what I mean?

I like the poachers. Big ugly rats! I think I can understand why he was mad. And that was a nice commercial they saw. Sounds about like the stuff you see on television, doesn't it? Minus the part about the tail, of course.;)

Hope you post more soon! I'll try to review it if you do.



Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.
— James R. Cook