War never ends,
Peace will never begin,
Love always has a end,
But when does love really start?
It doesn't,
or does it?
Is it like a tiny spark,
or a huge blast?
Well whatever it is,
I felt it.
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140,121 Literary Works • 673,021 Reviews
"I felt is"
that is incomplete and confusing.
You need a bunch of capitals.
I would just work on it some more.
Maybe add a line or two.
I think that with a little more work, it could be awesome.
I am following you and will post another comment when you edit it.
Keep up the good work.
I did enjoy it.
You have potential.
I hope you write some more.
I am not the best at making poems I just started and made this one real quick
Consider spending more time on poems.
yeah i should
Hey jayoof! Saru here for a hopefully helpful review! Oh, and by the way, welcome to the site!
I'm going to get constructive criticism out of the way first so we can get on with what was great about this. I'm going to cover some grammar and flow issues.
Firstly, peace is spelled with a 'c'. Secondly, I feel like this line flows better if you swap the words 'will' and never.
Your first two lines had the adverbs 'never' in them, and I feel like it'd add something cool if you, again, used an adverb like 'always' here, so it'd turn out something like 'love always has a end'.
Below, you write
which leads me to think that the question that the narrator is asking themselves is 'how', and not 'when'. That's just how I perceived it, so feel free to ignore that piece of advice if you want to!
Right here, you capitalize the first letter of your line, but you don't do that throughout the rest of your poem. Be sure to make your stylistic choices consistent, whether it's correct capitalization, or all lowercase, or whatever else you may choose.
This is simply a suggestion, but I feel like these lines could be more powerful if you maybe said something along the lines of 'a tiny spark' or 'a deafening blast'.
Whatever is one word, so it should be conjoined.
Did you mean 'it'?
And... that's it for constructive criticism! I really liked this poem!! There were a few small grammar/flow issues, but it didn't distract from the overall message of the poem, which is really sweet!
Keep writing!
~Saru
thanks for telling me I just started getting into poetry so I have a lot of errors and I just need to keep writing and I will get there.
hello jayoof!
This is a very cute poem, and mildly does describe the feeling of having a crush(or love as you state it to be here in this piece). I can totally relate to it. However, i'd suggest u to maybe , slightly elaborate your feelings or your thoughts in way of writing obviously. I'd also suggest you to use punctuation marks while writing, it surely makes it easier for a reader to read and understand what you are willing to convey through your art. Your first two lines are quite controversial. I do not, in any way intend to disrespect to be overly critical about your work. Overall this is a good piece, which with practice can ( and i'm sure will) improve!
Hey. Kanome here with a review.
NITPICKS:
Make sure you insert a comma between ends and peace. Also, you misspelled peace, be sure you fix that, okay?
I placed commas and punctuation where it needs to be placed so it can be easier for you than rather just explain it.
I placed a comma for you where it needs to go. Also, the last line... what was it you were trying to say? Hopefully, you are able to answer that question because I am kind of confused.
IMPROVEMENT:
You just gotta make sure you use commas and punctuation correctly at the right places when it comes to writing poems. Also, be sure you proofread your work before posting. I understand that sometimes words are misspelled on accident, but make sure you double check.
OVERALL:
Overall, I think this poem is very sweet. You expressed your words for your crush in a very meaningful way, so I give you props to that. Other than that, this was a good read and I would love to read more of your work if possible. Keep up the great work. Keep writing and have a nice day!
- Kanome
thanks for telling me this is one of my few first poems i just got into poetry so there's a lot of mistakes plus I sorta rushed this one