Coin

Hello JayJane! Welcome to YWS.
The first thing I thought when I read this was like the Ring's journey in the Lord of the Rings. XD Anyway, I really love the idea, and it's quite unique, but it might just need a bit of fine tuning.

One golden disc makes it escape

You probably want to say an escape.

Taking the plunge to the marble floor,

It lands with a splash

Of metal, its coarse metallic voice calling on

The desperate eyes of those passing by,

This seems a little weird to me. If it's landing on marble floor, why would it be splashing? Is there water? Additionally, it says a "splash of metal"- and the metal wouldn't be splashing, unless it was a pool of molten lead or something. I like the idea of the coarse metallic voice, but if it's calling the people passing by, I think you might say, "A ringing metal voice" because money rings when it falls on the floor and draws everyone's eyes.

[/quote] As it rolls like the wheel of a bicycle come loose,

Or a rodent passing through city streets,

In amongst sleek black shoes. [/quote]
I understand how you can compare the rolling coin to a bike wheel,but then you compare it to a passing rodent? It could be passing by rodents and sleek black shoes, but those things seem to contrast strongly. I might pick one or the other based on which tone you want to set, and have the coin passing through that object. (The rats or the shoes)

Young, wrinkled hands retrieve it,

A beggar, shielding the coin

So tightly that the engravings form

Deep indentations on her palm,

An un-consoling reminder of what she had when it is gone.

Gone now and ignored by one who collects

His more charming, older brothers.

I'm not exactly sure how the young hands could be wrinkled- maybe you mean to say that she's been though lots of hardships, in which I would say creased young hands or maybe worn young hands. And I don't think it makes sense to be shielding something tightly, so maybe she's just clutching it tightly. The last three lines don't make much sense to me- I could help you rephrase, but I'm not sure exactly what you are trying to say. Could you maybe clear that up for me?

When finally, the coin,

Contained in a pair of cupped hands,

Brushes against small crimson lips,

And is cast away with a whisper of hot breath

By a girl who wishes for a purple bike with white streamers.

I just love this ending. It's very strong, and works perfectly! I think you could've started with the coin being manufactured or coming into existence, though, if you have such a solid end.

Hey, this is really great! Just a few tweaks and it will be even better. I really loved your imagery in this piece, it's really solid. Welcome again, and I can't wait to see what you write next!

<3 Falco