Published February 14, 2010
This was kind of an experiment of mine. I can't decide if I like it or not yet so tell me what you think.
She Asked:
She asked: Do you love me?
If only you knew: I said
She asked: But why?
I can't explain it to you: I said
It's like I'm alive
when all else had died.
It's like I'm the only one
left who survived.
It feels like my heart has been kiss and then twirled.
It feels like I'm living on the edge of the world.
She asked: Think harder then?
That could take awhile: I said
She asked: Just try?
It's just the way you smile: I said
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Canary word: Present
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She Asked:
The second line where you're talking doesn't say "Yes, if only you knew" or "no, if only you knew" I'm not criticizing. Honestly, I didn't know what he was meaning to say as I was reading the finish of the middle area in the poem.
The first line is typed, " She asked: Think harder then?" but it wasn't really a question. I get what you're trying to say. Try something such as, " She asked: Why can't you think harder then?" You don't have to say that, but I thought it would sound even pleasing to you.
And, "Can you just try" would work too for the second to the last line.
I LOVED the last line. This is pretty neat. Keep writing more!
Ha ha hey post in my guest book! I'll post in yours!
~Pacific