Published July 7, 2010
hey all whose read my lyrics, undertow and dont hate what you make (not links just felt like putting some bold text in lol) I haven't posted any lyrics on recently BUT today I decided to try out a rap/singing genre of writing. Have a look, comments please. And yes, I know there's goinh to be comments on the negative language, but don't worry, it's 16+ so if you know the anger I like to stick in my lyrics and the age rating.... then you should be expecting it.
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Omg, I keep forgetting the puncuation but then look under my name to the lest hand side. And don't worry, it's a rap attempt, everything else I do isn't rap, just this one
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Hey again Jake. Ok I just wanna point out some spots where you messed up with punctuation. Blue is the errors.
OK so I know that punctuation and capitalization doesn't matter when you're singing but still. Anyway, I some what like the song. It's just I really wouldn't listen to it. Your songs are good but they aren't really my genre. I'm more linkin park
~Lady purple.
Hola! So the last stanza was definitely my favorite. It had the best rhymes to me and also flowed really well. It also felt like it had the most feeling to it. The lines about how the people are bleeding also were really good because it showed how mean the evil character was. Like, a whole lot of mean to the point that they're bleeding. Good job there.
Lastly, there were a couple grammatically errors. Such as "your" when it should be "you're". Also in some places you have punctuation and others not and also with capitalization etc. So all in all, the anger was continuous, which was good, and came across really strong.