Young Writers Society

Hello there, friend! My name is Ellie and I thought I'd leave you a quick review for this lovely poem of yours <33 Let's jump right in to it!

Wow, I really loved this. You tell a story of two bird who live very different lives. We have the free bird, who is free to soar through the sky and the clouds, being able to go anywhere it likes with freedom. And then we have the caged bird, who is trapped in a cage somewhere, with anxiety, hiding, and starved.

The free bird gets shot. The caged bird drops to the floor, dying from hunger. Both birds are envious of the other. The free bird believes the caged bird has safety from the guns. The caged bird resents the free bird because it can fly and get food.

I loved this metaphor you used and I can see it being incredibly applicable to many situations that humans face as well. We could look at this in terms of gender, social status or income, age, or so much more. What you really touch on is how we always want more and we often don't appreciate the things which we do have, which many people would do anything to have. I loved the simplicity of this metaphor and how much you say in such a short poem. I loved this last sentence you said:

Two birds gaze at the other with envy

I'm glad that I managed to come across this poem - I didn't even have to look for long and I'm glad that I don't have to write the first review of the day in the Green Room on a ten thousand word work... but whatever, I'm just glad that it's still here some poetry that I can relate to.
Okay, so, I really like the contrast that the poem shows us in the first part. Here we see the very scenery of freedom, independence and no need to look at the consequences. And a moment later there is the second bird, locked in a cage of its own thoughts and self-doubt, which struggles with anxiety at the bottom of the cage.
But the tables turn in the second half of the poem, where the free bird falls to the ground.
Um, I would like to add that poetry is not my specialty for reviewing - recently I write reviews on it more often precisely because I want to get better at it. I know that I wrote here mainly my interpretation of the poem and not actual feedback, so now I will try (even with my still poor knowledge of poetry from the poet's point of view) to give you some suggestions for improvement, hmm.
Okay, so I noticed your earlier comment about still struggling with formatting poems. Maybe you could try asking for help on a forum, or check out a poetry writing club - the benefit of YWS is the community, so take advantage of it! Surely there will be someone who can advise you better than me. In the "Clubs" part of menu are a lot of clubs and I know about at least five who talk about poetry, so maybe try to give it a try?
Have a nice day/night/whatever!

P.S. I kno is a bit late, but I saw taht you are one of newer people here. Welcome in YWS!

Hey, Kaerae here! *gasp* I literally just opened the green room, and this was just posted a minute ago. I am very glad that it was because I was just thinking about birds...😭
Alright, lets jump right into the review~
beginning:

Two birds gaze at the other with pity


The free bird flies through the opposing winds

The free bird settles on the clouds as if they are meant for them

The free bird continue(s) to where they must and never look back to where they have been


The caged bird hides itself in its self-made prison

The caged-bird pecks itself while starving behind the anxiety filled bars

The caged bird hums itself a song of eternal isolation

Shot.

The free bird descends its heaven (like a fallen angel from its sanctuary) to the hellscape ground.

The free bird searches for shelter as it turns to the unwavering cage


Drop.

The caged bird gasp in hunger as it cradles the cold floor of its hand(-)crafted grave

The caged bird grovels towards the boundless sky


Two birds gaze at the other with envy

Poet note: Sorry if the formatting is off I’m trying to adjust to this I’m not the best at like online stuff also a title edit as well “Can You be too Free or too Caged”