Published March 14, 2009
I'm lost.
You're found.
I'm blind.
You see.
As long as I am with you forever,
then anything is fine with me.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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140,643 Literary Works • 673,577 Reviews
Not sure. I know what you are saying...
Lets examine this;
I am a pattern freak. In all the other stanzas, there are two short, but meaning ful lines. I believe, with the proper wording, that this stanza can be made into two stanzas, or mad a bit longer at least. I came up with a little something, you may want to consider changing it to something like it;
If you stay
forever
Anything
is fine
with me
I understand that it is still not all two lines, but it makes it a bit longer. It's just an idea. Lets see what else you've got in store for us!
My only thought was that it could do with some more length. You can do so much more with that little technique of saying that you're something bad and the other person is the opposite. I think you could also say why you're so lost and blind, and they're not. I just feel a bit like it was rushed, or without thought. If you expanded it a bit, this could be a really good piece, so keep it up
I like it, it was short and to the point. You might want to consider fluffing it up a bit because it seems as if you had more to say, but you were in a hurry. If you meant for the poem to be short and like that then ignore everything that i stated above.
You'r is spelt you're you can just check that with the spell check at the top right hand corner of the box that you are typing in.I only found one typo