z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

In the Dark I Have No Name

by izzi


I was born blind, yet I know sight. I do not need to look upon it to see the simple wonder of the woods, to see the wretched hate that vulgar men act upon, to see the misfortune of the ordinary, and the miracle of the unknown. My mind does not know blindness.

I can hear the sigh of an autumn gale and the rumble of roaring thunder, hearing with private devotion the song of the earth. I listen to the world. I can feel my mother’s arms safe and sheltered around me. I feel with love. I can smell the sunrise aroma of roasted coffee in a tin mug, every morning that I can recall. I remember with scent. I can taste each sentence I utter; I savor both the winsome and the wounding language on my lips. I taste with words.

Today is a cold afternoon of roaming the sandy seaboard. Jakob is by my side, my constant friend. Sometimes he hastens ahead with an easy gait, sometimes falls back to pick up an interesting stone or shell. The chorus of ocean waves receding in and out resounds against the tall cliffs that reach higher than I can imagine. Jakob is somewhere in front of me and I step behind him, placing my feet with care. I use a thin, whittled tree branch to find my way, gliding it across the ground, back and forth like the sea.

I know this island coast so well that wandering along it has become a timeworn instinct, and part of me wants to abandon the staff I always hold. The shadowed spots that cloud my vision like frosted glass are all I have ever known. Mother has warned me often enough of the danger of exploring abroad without the aid of my guiding cane. Still, I long to run and climb and discover without support.

Jakob kicks something towards the cliffs where it hits with a dull thud. His backpack clangs, the lantern he always carries inside shifting.

“Hey… Elis?” Jakob calls back to me, voicing confusion. The sound of his light footsteps and clinking backpack stop. I stand still for a moment and wriggle my bare, sandaled toes into the cool sand.

“What is it?”

“Come over here, you have to…” He trails off. “10 o’clock.” He often uses clock positions to guide me. I move towards the cliff on my left, and feel the rough rock wall with my stick. I brush my fingers along the damp rock as I follow the sound of Jakob’s voice.

“There’s a hole here,” Jakob says. I feel a broken opening in the cliff face and he brushes against me, trying to look inside. Excitement floods through me and into my fingers. I tap against the stone with piqued anticipation.

“What are you waiting for?” I ask Jakob. “Can you climb in?”

I am always ready for something new, something dangerous. The exhilaration of risk and peril fills me with a fierce and heightened awareness. Jakob grunts as he climbs into the hole, and I hear his backpack scrape against the ceiling of the stone passage.

“’Wonder why we’ve never found this before,” Jakob says. I feel around the top of the opening and poke my head in to hear him better. “I’ve seen this cliff wall a thousand times.”

I have felt it a thousand times, too, and I have never found this hole, either. I lay my hands on loose rocks and debris around the opening. “I bet it just caved in,” I say.

Jakob clambers further into what I guess is a tunnel. I can still hear his backpack grating against the celling, the metal fastenings chafing against it and sending a shiver down my spine.

“Wait for me!” I yell after him, slipping off my sandals and dropping them on the sand. My bare and calloused feet will give me better grip. I slide my staff in first, then scramble in. The hole is about the same size as me and I tuck my arms close to my sides as I begin to worm through. Jakob is smaller than me, but I trust I will be able to fit without a bulky backpack. I scrape my legs and elbows almost instantly and wince as they sting.

“Elis,” Jakob calls back to me. “Elis, I don’t know if you should come…”

I think Jakob’s fear of the dark must be surfacing. I ignore him.

The tunnel is confining and darker than I am accustomed to, but I am no stranger to obscurity. I pull myself forward, making sure I keep my staff by my side, and find a ledge with my searching fingers. I clamber out of the tunnel and place my feet on slimy, cold rock. I skim the ground around me with my staff.

“What is this place?” I ask aloud. My voice echoes, and I feel the large chamber around us. I hear Jakob fumbling with his flint a few lengths away and the spark he makes glints hazily in my limited vision. The lantern creaks as it sways while he lights it and swings it around. I see a dim light through my low-vision eye, but my blind eye keeps me in darkness.

“Woah.” Jakob says. “This place is massive!”

“Is there water?”

“Water?”

“The ground is wet,” I tell him.

“Maybe there is, I’ll go find out,” Jakob says, his voice filled with barely contained excitement, fear, or the untamed mixture of both.

“We’ll go find out,” I say to myself. I slide my stick across the bumpy ground and follow Jakob.

A moaning sound made me stop in my tracks.

“Did you hear that?” I ask Jakob.

“Hear what?”

I can feel the deep, rumbling moan within my bones, out to my fingers and through my stick. I feel the sound all through my body.

“I don’t think we’re alone in here,” I say, in a soft enough voice I can barely hear myself.

Jakob does not hear me, or pretends not to. He gasps. “A lake, Elis! You were right…and a boat on the shore- it’s not broken, looks old, but— “

I still have not moved. The moan shudders through the ground and touches my bare feet.

There is a sudden splash and Jakob yelps. “My lantern- I dropped it- “

While Jakob fumbles at the water shore, I tap my fingers on my thigh in a rapid beat. I shiver, tell myself I am not frightened, and take a few steps closer. Something is out there, in the water. it is sleeping, but still feeling. It knows I am listening.

“I’m going to take the boat out,” Jakob announces. I assume he lit the lantern again, because he is not crying in the dark. “But you should stay.”

In rare cases, Jakob tells me to stay behind. Only when he fears it will be life-threatening, injury-causing danger.

Part of me wants to ask him if he is kidding. A sickened feeling billows in my stomach, and the other part of me wants to hide.

“No.” I say, surprising myself.

“What?” Jakob pauses, and the low rumble echoes through me.

“I’ll stay,” I say, rubbing my arm with my free hand. “But so will you.”

“No way!” Jakob says in a loud voice.

“Shut up, Jakob, I’m serious.”

I have never felt a fear this primal. I want to tuck tail and run, hide from the haunting sound.

Jakob heaves a sigh and I hear him get off the boat and walk towards me. “What’s the matter?” He asks. “Don’t you want to find out how far back this cavern goes?”

“I’ve got a feeling- trust me, we shouldn’t be here.”

“You’re scared?” Jakob asks. I can hear the humor in his voice.

“Scared? I didn’t say that-“

“When has fear ever stopped you? You’re Elis, sea captain, pirate and monster hunter!”

The mention of the personas we used to play as when we were younger brings a small smile to my face.

“Come on,” Jakob says. He takes my hand and I flinch. “We laugh in the face of fear!”

A surge of childlike bravery fills me, bubbling in an exultant yearning for adventure. I cannot hear the moaning any longer. It must have been the wind through the crack in the cliff.

“This is our secret pirate ship,” I say in a quiet voice. Jakob snorts with laughter.

“This is our vessel!” His strident voice ricochets across the lake.

“Ours!” I echo him, louder this time. 

(WIP-TBC)


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
485 Reviews


Points: 21027
Reviews: 485

Donate
Sun Jun 18, 2017 2:40 pm
Elijah wrote a review...



Hey there! Eli here for a short lovely review of your work!

The atmosphere of this story is so thrilling, it made me go on with reading it until the very end. It gives the reader a feeling of what a blind person would do, how they would act, in such a situation. You let us be that blind person and feel like part of him, like we are in this story and those actions are our own. You show us what a person who is disabled will do in this kind of world that is filled with adventures and at the same time with fear and nightmares. And this is also a story of friendship and how our blindness should not stop a person from trying and living on the edge.

It was a such a sweet short story to tell. I know it is WIP but it still looks great the way it is currently written for me as well. You have no tense, grammar or punctuation mistakes which makes my job easier and there is no need for you to edit a thing!

The connected, the bond, in between the two characters is so charming. Two kids who play together, finding a pirate ship even! What an adventure!

I still think more of the deeper meaning of this story, at least the meaning I caught from the beginning. That being disabled should not stop us. And how the main sees the world.

The details in the beginning are amazing, letting us see it through their eyes. What they hear, feel, taste. Everything else, the other senses they have but their sight. You show us that having no eyes does not mean we have no ears or any other sense. They even sharpen!

Overall, this story was a great read for me.

Keep on writing!




User avatar
76 Reviews


Points: 908
Reviews: 76

Donate
Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:02 pm
Dest wrote a review...



My mind does not know blindness.

I really like this, and I personally think it would make a great opening line.

I just adore the first two paragraphs, reading how Elis uses his senses to live in his world was excellent. I like how you paint a picture with few words.

I remember with scent. I can taste each sentence I utter; I savor both the winsome and the wounding language on my lips. I taste with words.

This is gold.

“Come on,” Jakob says. He takes my hand and I flinch. “We laugh in the face of fear!”

A surge of childlike bravery fills me, bubbling in an exultant yearning for adventure.

This is supposed to be a heartwarming friendship moment, but I felt a sense of foreboding especially with the to be continued. I don't want Elis and Jakob to be hurt because they seem like sweet kids or teens? ;__;

Overall, I honestly enjoyed reading this and decided to come back and give my thoughts. I admire your use of detail greatly. The title is great as well!




User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 469
Reviews: 8

Donate
Tue Jun 06, 2017 12:59 am
wolfgang87 wrote a review...



This is obviously the writing of a mature person. You sure know how to use your words in a cultured sense. I really like the way you spelled Jakob, it is different. The personality of the main character is not something u would expect with her traits and abilities. I believe this would make an intriguing book if you were to continue writing it. I really did enjoy this read and I can see this becoming a wonderful book full of adventure and mystery. Your word usage was colorful. Always remember to use colorful words to catch the reader's attention. Well done!





When a good man is hurt, all who would be called good must suffer with him.
— Euripides