It was getting dark, the night bringing with it a numbing chill. The kind of cold that made his bones ache, made him wish for younger days when walking didn't make his knee's groan, and running wasn't a distant memory. But nothing made him feel quite as old as spending twenty minutes just trying to push himself out of bed. What he wouldn't give to be fifteen again.
He pulled his coat tighter and pushed on. He wasn't far from home and he was desperate to get out of the cold. The weather was unforgiving this time of year, the spray from the ocean only making it worse. Glancing out at the water's edge he breathed a sigh. Not too long ago he'd loved the water, had joined the Navy because of his love of the ocean. But after everything it just made him hollow and angry. So many people had died in that ocean. Men, women, and kids. Some he knew, some he didn't, and they'd all been murdered, left to disappear beneath the waves. & they said they'd caught the man, assured him that he'd confessed to every murder. But he knew better, remembered every minute of the ordeal; the way him and his grandson had been attacked, no man had done that. It hadn't been a human he'd seen as he'd been dragged out of the water. There was a monster out there, something vicious and evil, and it wasn't finished. Not with him or anyone else, it was only a matter of time. Shaking his head he kept walking. His house was in view and his wife would be waiting. She worried about him, got nervous when he was late.
The lights were on. He wished she wouldn't stay up until he came back. She told him countless times that she didn't mind, couldn't sleep anyway, but she couldn't hide the dark cirlcles. Never could hide anything from him. The back door was open already as he slid in, locking up and stripping as he went. There wasn't any reason for him to take everything upstairs whe he'd just be leaving again in a few hours.
"Jude!" He called out walking through the house. She was always in the kitchen, but he liked to give her a heads up that he was home lest he get punched in the face for scaring her. He still remembered the sting from the last time and he wasn't in a hurry to relive it.
"Jude?" Still no answer, and he was wondering if she hadn't fallen asleep by accident. Too exhausted to wait up. Turning the corner he stepped into the kitchen and tensed. She was there, spread out beneath the sink pale and unseeing, and he knew she was gone. Knew he was next. Goosebumps broke out on his skin and a chill curled up his spine like the first time. Just like the first time, and he sighed knowing he'd be joining his grandson soon.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,768 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, this title definitely gives you zero hints about what's in store for you when you actually read the story here, oh wow, this is a proper horror sequence here, and I think its really well done.
The one major issue I do have to point out right away is the lack of paragraphing. At the moment, this still flows surprisingly well despite the lack of paragraphs, but I'd still recommend you split this up into at the very least, the introduction, this man walking back and then the actual discovery here, I feel like that would improve this a little more here.
Now onto the content, I'm loving the vibe here...that classic monster vibe is something I quite love reading, and you're building of tension here, especially towards that ending is really awesome! That reveal is really powerful not to mention you can sense it coming from like the halfway point of the story. The foreshadowing is done really well here. The references to this person's backstory are also really nicely done. It really adds quite nicely to this story here.
Overall, you've got yourself a really solid piece here...and I definitely enjoyed. It seems like something I'd probably continue reading here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey there, ity!
Welcome to YWS! I'll be reviewing this piece for you today.
Firstly, this prologue doesn't really seem like a prologue. I think you could just add this to the first chapter and you'll be fine. What a prologue essentially does is prepare the reader for the story, giving off vital information that will be important later on in the novel.
This is also quite short and it's basically a guy waking up and preparing for a conversation that's going to take place. It's not very interesting and therefore lacks pull to get your readers engaged with the story line.
On the bright side, your writing is quite good and you seem to have some pretty good description and pacing so what really needs work is mostly just either prologue-ing this prologue or turning this prologue into the first chapter. It depends on what you think.
Keep writing,
-Pink
1] "even more so now that he was so close."
^ try omitting the first "so"
ex: "even more now that he was so close"
2] "He felt more (than) heard the others in the room"
or better yet.. "He felt rather than heard the others in the room.."
3] "the need to just be still strong"
Hmmmm...pondering this one... maybe try working with this so it sounds better. Like: "the need to still be strong..."
It is a bit confusing, but most prologues are like that and it adds to the mystery. I cant wait to read more. Thanks for sharing
Trick
IM SO CONFUSED! Not because of your writing, but because I have no idea what could happen next, or about what happened before. I guess if you want to create a sense of mystery, you succeeded.
But I was however, confused in the begining of the third paragraph where you said: "He felt more and then heard the others..", do you mean he felt the connection more? If so, perhaps let on what exactly it feels like? Stronger or something, or maybe reconnecting more? Or maybe you mean the pulse! I don't really know..
But I do still like it. I had to read it slowly though to take it all in. I guess this could be a good or a bad thing, probably good though in this case, as you had so much detail and each word held a hint as to what the plot is. Very intriguing...
Anyway, this is a nice intro, and you seem to have some sort of lurking plot line hiding in there waiting to be told in the rest of your story. Exactly what a prologue needs to have! Welldone:D
interesting title by the way...