Young Writers Society

Hey there itsfranksnappa! I'm Tom, welcome to YWS!

I only have one piece uploaded here on YWS so far, and it too is a four lined short poem

That being said, I appreciated seeing another of such short length! I didn't feel as though mine was impressive in any way, hahaha.

As a whole, there isn't much to review here of course. The same could be said with mine. The first three lines are very in depth, however, and could be taken multiple ways. Literally of course, and I'm sure there are multiple meanings metaphorically that others could find. My only nag would have to be with the final line.

"But hey... I guess you don't remember."

To me, this seems like a very personal poem that isn't necessary aimed at others completely grasping, which is perfectly okay! My only issue with it is that the poem begins describing a beautiful scene and feeling, and then abruptly ends into a very depressing and touching finish. Is that bad? No! I love that final line. For me it creates a very hopeless and sad feeling, which I'm sure is part of it's aim.

I would ultimately recommend putting some more between the third and final lines, so that we have more material to connect to the final line. That way, we can further understand it's meaning and not be so caught off guard, and also further it's impact on the reader!

Again, welcome to YWS and thanks for uploading this piece!

-Tom

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review! Welcome to YWS, itsfranknappa! If you ever have any questions, don't be afraid to ask.

So I see that this work is rather short and that this contains a rhyme scheme. I have to say that quatrains that act on their own are something that have always interested me to an extent, so I might as well review this. I also enjoyed the rhyme scheme of this poem, since ABBA is a little more on the obscure side since what I usually see in cases of quatrains with rhyme is either AABB or ABAB, and it's refreshing to see something else for a change. In the first line, I have to suggest adding in a couple of words before the first line to make it more understandable.

Changing the line to 'In the early morning of September' or something similar to that is something that I see as beneficial since it makes sense more when put that way. Even 'On an early September morning' works here, there just needs to be a more clear and cut first line that doesn't try to skip out on any necessary words.

The second line is also interesting with the double meaning going on with the slight change of words with 'beckons' to 'beacon' so that the second instance can lead into the third line. I don't know why 'the' is capitalized in this second line though, because you've already established using non-capital letters in the third line and generally following the normal grammar rules (even though that's a stylistic choice of yours to make).

Switching out 'luring' to 'alluring' for that extra syllable in the third line is something that I suggest and reworking the fourth to be more cohesive and without ellipses is also something I want to touch on. The fourth line can simply be 'Doesn't matter though, I guess you don't remember' or even 'Doesn't matter though, since you don't remember' though those are only suggestions. I did kind of want to know who 'you' is at the end of this since that aspect of the poem isn't explained though it's okay to keep it vague if you're wanting to do that since this is more minimalist.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

Hi there!

Okay, first off, Pretty good poem. I like it, short and sweet. I like what the first three lines say. It speaks out. Poetry doesn't have to be long and detailed to be good. . I just don't understand the last line. It doesn't seem to fit in quite right with the rest of the poem. It may just be me though. . This line; "The sun beckons and beacons..." What exactly does that mean? Sorry for such a short review, and sorry if it doesn't help. Keep writing!

Hello, itsfranksnappa! Welcome to the Young Writer's Society since I see you're new here, and if you have any questions after my review then feel free to ask!

So the title was eye-catching since I don't think I've seen one so long on the site before. The only problem I have with it is that it's not capitalized where it should be, but if you're into modern poetry then I guess it's fine.

Early morning of September,

The sun beckons and beacons

from it's luring ember.

But hey... I guess you don't remember...

But hey... I guess you don't remember...