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The Monster

by ishitadutt


Violence these days has become a tweet gone viral, with 140 characters of hatred and a hashtag of lunacy.

War is not the new shirt you’ve been saving that one morning you just wake up and go “I should wear this today”. And nations are not siblings, no. If you hide each other’s toys and then go on taking revenge on each others’ most loved possessions, don’t think mom’s going to help you when you end up pulling each others’ hair and breaking nail for nail. Dad’s not going o come home with presents and put you on his shoulders. No one is going to clean up the mess when you turn the house upside down and leave it all destroyed.

How easy it is to post “Modi is a coward afraid of war with Pakistan” and how painful it is to take bullets on your chest and bury your dead.

For every other headline saying “Delhi on red alert against attacks” there’s a normal citizen like me terrified of doing my normal things. The thought of a family member being blown away makes every inch of my skin tremble with fear.

If you call blood thirst courageous, I’d better find solace in cowardice. Of all the history I’ve mugged up in school, I don’t remember any war that has done us some good. But I do remember civilizations being wiped away and nations ripped off their social, economical and political stability due to war.

True that we need a solution.

True that we cannot and should not tolerate terrorism.

But I am sure war is not any obvious answer. 


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Sat Oct 22, 2016 2:43 pm
CaptainJack wrote a review...



So hey there ishtadutt. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
Please Note:

Spoiler! :
It's been a long time since I've sat in the reviewing chair so please excuse anything you view as an offensive comment about the story. I know people get picky when protecting their works of art and I assure I'm not trying to make anyone mad. It wasn't meant that way, I'm just trying to adapt to being a people person again.


Okay first off the title. To me it sends across emotion but doesn't really reflect the truth of your story. I'm guessing you are referring to war being the monster but the writing doesn't really speak to me like that. My own opinions aside, you're trying to make it sound like war acts all by itself. That of course is inaccurate judging from the support you give.
Let me boil this all down a bit. Your opinion says one thing but the writing say another.

The paragraphs are sort enough to post down here but I'm going to put them into spoilers anyways, just to make everything a bit neater and tidier.
Spoiler! :
War is not the new shirt you’ve been saving that one morning you just wake up and go “I should wear this today”. And nations are not siblings, no. If you hide each other’s toys and then go on taking revenge on each others’ most loved possessions, don’t think mom’s going to help you when you end up pulling each others’ hair and breaking nail for nail. Dad’s not going o come home with presents and put you on his shoulders. No one is going to clean up the mess when you turn the house upside down and leave it all destroyed.

1. Numerous typos aside, I still have lots of material to use here for this paragraph. The comparison repeat over and over again and I can see why you were doing it. You liked using the family/friend comparison because that's something everyone will know. And it's great to use once or twice but you can't use it so many times. It gets repetitive and loses its meaning. It's sort of like when there's too much cursing in a comedy. After awhile all of the shockers aren't so funny anymore.
2. The little snippets of dialogue like stuff here and there is also a bit awkward for reading. You need to put a bit of punctuation, even if it's just a comma or split line, to separate those quotes a bit. It makes it hard to see where they begin and where they end.
3. For the love of god, please proofread for typos better. I mean they didn't affect the reading that much but for some reason I judge stories with simple mistakes more. Probably because the mistakes are so simple. I don't mean to sound so mad, I guess it's just one of my pet peeves.

How easy it is to post “Modi is a coward afraid of war with Pakistan” and how painful it is to take bullets on your chest and bury your dead.

1. The only thing I have to say for this one is simple. It's a good sentence with good emotion but I think you should probably just split it up. It seems like a better order, at least to me, to give this meaningful little piece of thought, stop, and then start again with further explanation.
2.
How easy it is to post “Modi is a coward afraid of war with Pakistan." How painful it is to take bullets on your chest and bury your dead.


For every other headline saying “Delhi on red alert against attacks," there’s a normal citizen like me terrified of doing my normal things. The thought of a family member being blown away makes every inch of my skin tremble with fear.

1. I actually really liked this line because it was free of all the things I usually end up judging good lines for. The emotion was pure and the reader can finally see what the author is trying to get to.

My next comments don't come until your final lines.
True that we need a solution.

True that we cannot and should not tolerate terrorism.

But I am sure war is not any obvious answer.

1. I don't think splitting the lines up like this are doing any extra good for your story. It may be best just to combine them together except for the last last line because they are really the same. Here's one order I was thinking. Also add an 'it's' before the true, otherwise it doesn't read well.
2.
It's true that we need a solution and that we cannot and should not tolerate terrorism. But I am sure war is not an obvious answer.
[/quote]

Well I guess that's about all I have for today. Hopefully some of this will help in some sort of way.
Happy Saturday and Happy Halloween.
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs




ishitadutt says...


Thanks for your inputs :)



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Thu Oct 20, 2016 3:26 pm
Sharon1407 wrote a review...



Hi Ishita.. just so you know, I am also an Indian.. And I can totally relate to the point you have picked up.. I love the statement- "If you call blood thirst courageous, I’d better find solace in cowardice".. The essay is realistic and makes us think.. Which is I think a great achievement for any writer.. I personally love writing realistic non-fiction essays and I truly find this one as an inspiration.. And I would like to add this for all readers that let us all just for once think peacefully for a change.. Thank You :)




ishitadutt says...


I'm glad this could inspire you at some level. Means a lot :')




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