Chapter 7
Pinewood, Present
Two of them walk side by side. Will couldn’t help but smiling, the way Marcus did when he found him alone at the street. It was a great feeling to actually found the next heir who inherited the Hunter’s blood.
“Where are we going?” Rufus asked, following Will’s lead, which he didn’t knew where to. He looked solemnly at his new mark on his right hand.
“We are going to the Head Quarter, not far from here. You’ll know it soon.” He said as he turned to look at Rufus.
Spoiler:
Read from Chapter 1 : http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=361&t=88331
Read from Chapter 6: http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=361&t=91661
Enjoy and please comment.
By now, Rufus could clearly see his face, kind of in his early thirties, with brown-almost golden eyes and stubble on his face, giving him manly looks. His voice reminded Rufus to Tom, which, on the first place the main point of Rufus going out from home.
“This world is full of evil creature.” Will suddenly said as they strolled under the big oak tree.
The surrounding was so quiet that a pin-drop may be heard. The owls hooted, and the crickets sang gracefully in the midnight, partially breaking the silence.
“Like what? Witch?”Rufus guessed.
“Witches are one of them.” Will replied, “Werewolves, Vampire, Fairy, Elf and many more. All of them are evil.”
“What do you mean evil? Are evil like really evil bad or just making nuisance or what?”
“Evil in this aspect means as long as they making humankind uncomfortable and they’re actually dangerous, too.” Will explained as he struggled to walk between bushes, shortcut. Rufus followed.
“Aren’t they having rights to live in earth too?”
“They do but if that happens, there will be no peace. They’ll keep fighting to conquer.” Will stated.
“In that case, human like us will be no match for them, isn’t it?” Rufus said.
“Human, yes but not us because we aren’t human.”
“I am human.” Rufus disagreed.
“No human can have a mark suddenly appeared on his hand, Rufus. You are not human.” He reassured him.
Rufus looked down, suddenly realized that their conversation had somehow came to the part of talking themselves, their own kind.
“So, what are we?” Rufus enquire. His tone was sombre, Will could sense it easily.
“No need to worry. We aren’t creature like them,” he said, “Do you ever heard saying, where there’s evil,
there’s good, or maybe vice versa.”
“So?” Rufus perplexed.
“We are meant to be a protector, a guardian to the very weak human. Only our types are fighting for human.”
Will clarified, “We are so much stronger than those creatures, so you should be thankful.
“Bigger power means bigger responsibility. Let’s consider we aren’t luck.” Rufus said, partially regret to born that way.
“Hey, you never have the desire to be a hero?” Will asked.
“Not so. I hope to have normal life, with a wife, with kids, have job and happy.” Rufus confessed. There was
no point hiding your wish, which was what Rufus practised.
“You know, I am so happy to know that I am a hero when your father found me.” Will said, recalling his memory, “That’s what Marcus told me.”
“Great! Then you become the most successful Hunter now, with that desire.” He teased.
“Well, maybe I am not really a hero because a hero doesn’t want to be paid for their service. I do ask for rewards, though.” He said.
Their conversation came to an end as they finally arrived at the HQ.
“We are here!” Will announced.
“Seriously like, I can’t see anything here, just bushes.” Rufus blanked.
“Here.” Will said, pulling the trapdoor under his feet. A loud squeaking sound heard as he slowly opened the trapdoor. He got in and climbed down the stairs.
The tunnel underneath was dusty. It was illuminated by oil lamps which were lit up by Will. It looks very old with concrete floor and wooden wall.
“Come on hear. Welcome to the HQ.” Will said.
“What’s the point?” Rufus asked.
“From now, our job is to be a Hunter. We fight creatures so if anything happens, you can use this place as a safe house.” He explained.
Rufus shook his head and turned back. “Have I told you that I’m not interested? I only want to find my brother, Tom!” he exclaimed.
“Listen. Do you know who catch your brother?” Will asked.
Rufus was stunned by the question.
“At least, do you know where he is?” he asked again, reassuring Rufus that there was no point going out in the middle of the night, going nowhere.
“I don’t know.” He uttered, “But, can you help me?”
“I know nothing too, but we can travel and find your brother while being a Hunter. At least you got companion.”
Rufus thought again twice. The decision he made could possibly change his entire life and he didn’t even really know Will.
“How about your mother, Edna? Do you want her to die too?” Will opened a sensitive issue.
“What do you mean?”
“The witches are going to Pinewood to take life from Mortals. Your mom, who’s alone will be killed too.” He explained.
There was a scorn looks in Rufus eyes. Yet, he loved his mother so much and he knew the risk of leaving his old mother alone at home.
“I’ll join you.” He stated.
“You’ve made the right choice, Rufus.” He said with smile.
“What do we do now?” He asked.
“This HQ is big and I want to show you the place. We’ll start hunting tomorrow.”
“Let’s go " Rufus demanded.
I agree with gummiebaers. It was u=interesting enough, but the misspelled words and grammar take away form it. With me, grammar, spelling, and correct punctuation are very important. It drives me crazy when I see all of these people who post, and have none of these things. But as I said, it wan interesting enough.I can't really say much else since I haven't read the previous chapters. Keep writing, but make sure to keep your grammar,spelling, and punctuation in check. Sorry for my nit-picking. Keep writing!!
I agree with gummiebaers. It was u=interesting enough, but the misspelled words and grammar take away form it. With me, grammar, spelling, and correct punctuation are very important. It drives me crazy when I see all of these people who post, and have none of these things. But as I said, it wan interesting enough.I can't really say much else since I haven't read the previous chapters. Keep writing, but make sure to keep your grammar,spelling, and punctuation in check. Sorry for my nit-picking. Keep writing!!
I hadn't read the other chapters, so granted this review might prove slightly irrelevant. I thought the story (of what I've seen of it) was interesting enough. The characters intrigued me, but some of the grammar and punctuation admittedly detracted from the piece for me.
And so... to get down to the nit-picking, yes? I do mean everything the with utmost sincerity and with the intention of helping each of us grow as writers. I don't intend to say anything to make you take offense. That is the last thing I want.
Anyway. To get down to business...
I think it's important to work on the subject-verb agreement stuff:
"Will couldn’t help but smiling, the way Marcus did when he found him alone at the street. It was a great feeling to actually found the next heir who inherited the Hunter’s blood."
It should read, "Will couldn't help but <i>smile</i>, the way Marcus... It was a great feeling to actually <i>find</> the next heir who <i>should/would inherit</i> the Hunger's blood."
Also, aside from the in-sentence subject-verb agreement that needs straightening out, a story must keep verb tense consistency throughout the duration of the story. It's a bit confusing if a story were to begin in past tense and then all of a sudden it shifts to present tense but not even congruously so. Do you understand what I'm getting at?
Punctuation as well as wordage is also important:
"“This world is full of evil creature.” Will suddenly said as they strolled under the big oak tree."
Firstly, singular/plural nouns and pronouns should be straightened out. "Creature" should be read "creatures" with an s because of the subject-verb-direct object relationship.
Also, punctuation-wise, "Will suddenly said..." is a dialogue tag, indicating that the dialogue, since it's a declarative statement, should end with a comma so that: "'...full of evil creature[s],' Will suddenly said as..."
Side-note, but relevant to this sentence: for the sake of sentence flow, it would read easier to switch some words around. "...Will said suddenly as they strolled..."
Hmm... I hope this helped. Feel free to message me with any comments or questions. I'd be glad to help.
xo gummies